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Wow! Today's reading really hit home for my marriage situation... Although my husband is being a jerk... I can't make up my mind what I want and he called me out on it but I didn't believe him until I read today's reading and thought on it...
It says, "...At a meeting, I was relating how my spouse was treating me, and tears were streaming down my face. Suddenly, someone laughed out loud. The unexpected laughter stopped me.
I stepped back to consider what I was saying that had been so funny. As I did, my tears dried up, and my lips curved into a small smile. I realized my story really was a funny one. I wanted to "save" my marriage, but I kept insisting my husband move out and then demanding the move back in. In a flash, I saw the humor. How could we work on our relationship in the turmoil created by the packing and unpacking of boxes as he moved in and out? My indecisiveness about sharing a home with him obviously reflected a deeper uncertainty about my desire to remain married, but I couldn't see that at the time. It seemed to me now that to attempt reconciliation under such circumstances was ludicrous!..."
I am being ludicrous! LOL! I must be frustrating the hound out of him! He is in rehab trying to get himself sober and stay that way... He's gonna be there for a total of 9 months and here I am telling him one moment that I need space, then telling him how much I miss him, then telling him he is smothering me and then inviting him home for a visit, then telling him that my house isn't his house anymore, then asking him what color to paint the kitchen.... Wow... It sounds like I do have a serious problem here. Ludicrous!
__________________
Mandy
Don't settle for less than your potenial. Remember, average is as close to the bottom as to the top. ~Unknown
No matter how far you've gone down the wrong road, turn back! ~Unknown
This really underscores how complicated the feelings towards an A spouse/s.o. are. It would be so easy to either completely cut the cord or to stay fully committed to the marriage. Unfortunately it is a messy jumble. I can honestly say I love and hate my AH at the same time, sometimes one feeling is greater than the other. I am really struggling with this too. Thanks for the share.
Thanks for bringing it back up. It makes me wonder how many mixed signals I give to the people in my life, too! I'll bet the folks I seem to have difficulties with get a lot of mixed signals from me!
I've been thinking on this all day... I think I send mixed signals to almost everyone I know... sometimes because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings and sometimes I'm just confused myself... and I'm sure some of it is just out of habit... I'm glad I finally see that I'm doing it! I have to realize I have a problem before I can be delivered from it.
__________________
Mandy
Don't settle for less than your potenial. Remember, average is as close to the bottom as to the top. ~Unknown
No matter how far you've gone down the wrong road, turn back! ~Unknown
Wow! Today's reading really hit home for my marriage situation... Although my husband is being a jerk... I can't make up my mind what I want and he called me out on it but I didn't believe him until I read today's reading and thought on it...
He is in rehab trying to get himself sober and stay that way... He's gonna be there for a total of 9 months and here I am telling him one moment that I need space, then telling him how much I miss him, then telling him he is smothering me and then inviting him home for a visit, then telling him that my house isn't his house anymore, then asking him what color to paint the kitchen....
Wow... It sounds like I do have a serious problem here. Ludicrous! 