The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I wish to share todays entry from my journal as follows. I hope it helps someone.
I am playing Scrapple and have the following letters remaining: QXWVWZV
This is what is left by the time perfectionism takes away the basics. It is all useless by itself.
A true perfectionist can not enjoy things and just live. The project they build in life can never be painted and functional because they are looking for that one last imperfection first.
Maybe a perfectionist will continue the behavior while actually resenting those that held them to the standard. This is worth looking long and hard at.
Perfectionism is the ability to look past a lot of good, usefulness and contentedness to see the flaws. If perfection is temporarily achieved it is short lived because someone did something to upset it, or on second thoughts the idea was not right to start with.
Is my ability to enjoy something lost by looking past what is good and beautiful to see the mistakes or imperfections?
I challenge the perfectionist to make a cutting board from the finest wood, cut the edges perfectly straight, sand it perfectly smooth and apply many coats of finish sanding with the smoothest sandpaper each time.
Now start using it. Cut some onions and look at the rings. Chop some celery and carrots and find a use for the leftovers like the little bunny in the back yard.
Cut hard and cut deep. No one will notice, it is only a cutting board. It is my job to learn to not notice.
Use it to make a meal for friends and family to enjoy. They are the things of true value in life. When I die no one will want to attach a commemorative plaque and hang it on the wall.
The flaws I see in insisting on perfection will torment me and cause losses and conflicts I might not have the ability to see.
Will I pass them down to my children and grand children and have them always feel inadequate too? What will they do to rebel against it, not even knowing what they are fighting against?
My share would not be complete without a partial solution..
Be aware not on occasion but 24/7. Have the guts to look at myself through the eyes of a close friend.
Ask a close friend to tell me my flaws and then shut up. Do not say another word.
Then absorb the gift they give you. Top it off with an honest not resentful Thank you for the honesty that only a true friend can provide
In a way we can stand across from someone and shout back and forth your not perfect your not perfect and miss the beauty that stands before us.
Celebrate true worth and enjoy the results of working on shortcomings! The something better that will come along is from within.
I love this share and I think many of us get stuck in trying to be, appear or act perfect and it is still hard for me to stop and submit whenever I get it in my head I have to be perfect or say the perfect thing or act perfectly when I am not. I am growing in my humanness and loving it. I am accountable when I make mistakes and humbled these days knowing I am not any better than anyone else. Thanks for this! Great reminder and great growth in your progam!
__________________
Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
That was perfe.....Very very good Bill and I relate to the process of change. I did it...have done it and it works. Ask another person who is familiar with you..."How do you see me and please be honest"? Listen humbly and say thank you...very much. That is what works...in spades. Also in quiet times...end of the day, start of the day, pausing in the process of the day...look up into the void above you and ask "How do you see me"? again listen.
Thanks so much for the share. I see you as a compassionate, caring, man who loves easily...naturally. I've always have been moved by your shares. Please keep coming back. ((((hugs))))
