Aloha G...Sounds like an attraction hook is set?  An addict/alcoholic working a good recovery program is very very attractive...stunning sometimes even.  I've felt the attraction myself from others in recovery and always approach it with deep empathy, compassion, respect and sensitivity.  She's got 5 years of recovery and has come to an understanding about her life then, what she found out and her life now which has helped her construct priorities she dare not diminish for any reason.  I know this.  It is what I have also gone(ing) thru and there isn't anyone in my life; including my current wife and children which I will sacrafice the recovery to.  In program we idenitify it at times at getting right with God (HP).

I never felt guilt or shame until I got into recovery and when I first felt these emotions  it made me very very ill..emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally.  When the damage I had done to others presented itself in high contrast to anything else I had done in my life regardless of my intention I was apalled at the behavior and the lack of concern for others. 

If you haven't yet listened to what she did and how she came to feel about it; mind, body, spirit and emotions and then see if you have ever worn her shoes at that level...I would suggest open AA meetings or NA meetings and open Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meetings to just sit with and open mind and empathize with it all.  Only in this way could I come to understand guilt and shame for what I had done when the disease raged and then what was necessary to amend it (that's not apologize for it...that's change self so that it could not, would not ever happen again.)  Read my early post on the progressive 9th step.

You're on your way to learning about how cunning, powerful and baffling this disease is...a recovering addict has touched your spirit...and now you will be different.  I'm in support.  Keep coming back.  (((((hugs)))))

I can give you my take on it G - I lived quietly with just my kid and I until I met and married a man who then threw my life into chaos after he lost his job and started drinking from noonish on (unbeknownst to me). My vision tunneled and I spent the better part of two years trying to figure out ways to fix things, finally figured out how much drinking he was doing, what both our drinking was doing, and after the last big fight, entered Al-anon and changed what could be changed.

It took the greater part of a year to get my teenage daughter back after the last big fight with mr ex. I had to "hands off" and leave her to her anger, accept my guilt for destroying our peace and wait for her to decide to re-enter a relationship with me. We are now living again able to laugh together, I have my kid back. We spend a lot of time talking about the last few years, examining them and discussing different things about them.

I have been alone for 20 months, divorced for almost a year and have no desire to look at dating yet. I have too much of me left to restore but I also owe it to my daughter not to screw her life up anymore. I believe she could be a stronger person because of the last few years of chaos and the depths of our conversations about it, but I repeat: I am not going to screw her life up anymore. Most of the single guys I know around here would do just that - they have the same needy selfish its all about me personality traits I belatedly see in the ex.

I am committed to NOT looking for a guy - rather I prefer the notion of just staying busy, reclaiming my life and eventually getting to know someone through mutual enjoyment in some shared activity. But I won't risk hurting my daughter anymore - she has every right to NEVER speak to me again and I am LUCKY to have been given the chance to rebuild the relationship.