The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've been attending meetings since August but have struggled with the idea of taking the leap into working the steps. In recent weeks I've come to realize that the promises in step 3 are what I long for. I found a gal I can relate to and we talked a handful of times before I asked her to be my sponsor. We spent 4 hours going through the first three steps today. I was genuinely moved by our conversation and was convinced I was ready to say the step 3 prayer. My sponsor said I had to say the prayer on my knees in the presence of a few other Al-Anon's in the house. I guessed I hoped it was something I could do alone though in the end I did it. We wrapped our time up with a trip though step 11.
I left my sponsor's house so sad and angry. I've spent hours full of regret and have thought of telling my sponsor I screwed up and don't want to work the steps - complete with finding new meetings. I can't make heads or tails of my feelings. How can I have such overwhelming want for the promises of the program and so much regret and angst for actually doing it? How do I reconcile my feelings? I worry I'll make the wrong decisions.
If your feeling rushed tell your sponsor and that you dont feel comfortable saying prayers in front of anyone. I have had a few sponsors and worked the steps many times and never had to pray in front of anyone. Are you talking about the serenity prayer??
Jessimine, dont worry. Take it one day at a time. This is your program.
Working the Steps is certainly the key to recovery. Kneeling down and praying with a group is not a requirement of alanon and may just be how your sponsor feels she would like to work the Step.
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Your feelings are valid and it is important to talk them over with your sponsor. Remember talking things over and reasoning things out are also a great tool of recovery.
I found that all Step 3 actually asked of me was to Make a Decision to turn my will and life over to HP. I did not have a clue how to do that .My sponsor advised me that attending meetings, reading my daily readers, calling alanon members for support, using the slogans were all part of turning my will over. and that I could then proceed to Step 4 thru 11. With these steps more clarity would be revealed.
It is all a process so please be gentle with yourself.
All sponsors have differnt ways of taking us through the steps. I am going through the steps in a group we start step three today .
As they say it is not what you say but how you say it, hope you can shre your feelings with your sponsor as trust is a very important part of this re;lationship.
Recovery can be difficult sometimes but the outcomes far outway the work, hope you do not give up this may just be a little set back. I too find it hard to open up to people when I am experiencing hard emtionas , however today I spaek to my Hp and ask him to guide and support me give me the courage to express my feeling in the right way at the right time, and it does feel good to open up and get it out there xx
The group I attend uses the AA Big Book as its foundation. The prayer I was asked to say is associated with step 3 and speaks of turning my life and my will over to my HP. Having had time to think things through, I guess what yesterday did was shake my trust in my sponsor. When I repeatedly said I didn't want to pray on my knees in front of others and that I hoped I could do it in private, she would respond "Are you ready or not?". I felt like I had to do it because we'd already spent four hours together and I didn't want it to be a waste of her time. I figured parts of the program would be hard but if it's going to be so rigid that my thoughts and feelings aren't taken into account, I don't think it's something I want to be a part of.
My sponsor has asked that I do very specific things for the next month or so, like talking to my HP, meditating and reading some literature. She's also asked me to call her every other day - all in an effort to get me used to doing these things. With a new day upon me, I don't feel like doing any of it. In fact, I'm leaning towards regretting the work we did yesterday and stopping my participation in the program. This isn't how I thought things would turn out when I decided to work with a sponsor. I'm disappointed and sad.
My sponsor who attends church regularly keeps that seperate from Al-anon. She tells me to talk with my HP, but never tries to force or add other people in our sponsor meetings. I am thinking this may be her way, but it is your program and you have choices also. I am all about doing the steps, it was amazing for me, but it is your program to work at your pace and comfort level! My hp is God and I pray in my way and in my private life, but this sounds like a bit much to me. I am sending you much love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
