The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
he has drank ad slept most of day ,decided he wanted a joint to smoke so called up someone he knew that could get him to one ,wanted me to go to drive him and i said no i didnt want to go over to where his freinds were ,he got mad and stomped out ,slammeing the door,he didnt want to drive cause he had been drinkning but oh well ,maybe im wrong for not driveing him ? he said he would do it for me if i needed anything.he may and he may not get pulled over i dunno guess if he does ill be to blame ,but im not takeing no blame for his irrational decisions cause i told him not to go that he didnt need a joint.my son came in here after he left irritated with me about him being drunk ,he thinks or tries to say he isnt drunk and gets smart about it but it shows i just dont know how much more i can take of this of his stupity and thinking he is sooo slick with his hideing his drunkiness when the truth is we all can tell it,guess he will be bad mouthing me to his freinds that he is going to see .oh well im sick of this been haveing stomach problems throwing up for last 2 days been saying its just the heat and food,i dunno.well gonna go for now thanx for allowing me to vent this ,its just now starting.....sorry for such a long post....hugs silent
You say you aren't taking blame but then you took blame for a possible DUI and also for what he might tell his friends about you. Who cares what his drunk self says about you? Silent, what happened to all that work you did focusing on your own worth apart from him? He doesn't dictate your happiness and worth. You don't need to be obsessed with him, what he does, who he talks to, and his addictions.
well he just called me and asked me if i wanted a chocalate suday from sonic i said no ,said his deal didnt go through so he didnt get to get his joint,oh well where is this all leading me up to?after reading several posts here ,i have no hopes and doughts are higher that it will work out,but as for me im heading to church in the morning .thanks for a h/p in my life that i can turn to in times if stress,im concerned about my codepencey and my anxiety ,how and what do i do to set real bounderies with him the a,i never told him what my bounderies were in the beginning,so now ive got to set some. thanks agin hugs silent
thanks pinkchip,i dunno its like ive fallen into quicksand all this happened to quickly he did beg and plead with me and he said he did and i fell back into it not even thinking about the consequences.
I didn't think there was another way to live outside of living in the insanity of my relationship with an alcoholic. I started AlAnon on May 30th. It was then I decided the pain was too great and I needed to change. There have been times since then when recovery is hard and I want to revert back to what I know. Then I remember the misery and I realize that where I'm at is exactly where I need to be and where I want to be. I can see the insanity as it was from the outside in as opposed to when I used to look from the inside out. I had a friend who told me to just wait 28 days. That's it. Well, even after about 14 it was getting easier. It's still hard. Today I've really been thinking of him a lot and that's why I've been here so much. Today I could choose to relapse or work through my defects. I wonder if you would have the same experience as me? I wonder if program, hard work, and abstinence from your addiction (your boyfriend) would also give you some clarity? It was a short experiment for me and fully worth it. Sending you love, Chaya
Since your BF is not in recovery it is inevitable that he will revert to his "Normal" behavior Change is hard.
Please try to remember to use your alanon tools to stay focused on yourself . Drawing boundaries and living by your principles requires practice and daily support.
Please try to break the isolation , make an asset list each day and if you have not one to tell your assets to just post them here as well as a gratitude list You will be surprised how much better you will begin to feel.
Silent an asset list is a list of all the positive parts that make up who "Silent" is.
Since we do not know ourselves well, it is usually hard to focus on our assets and make a list. So in the beginning I had to start off small and add to it Daily
Look at what you do during the day and then list it For example
What Hotrod says -- "Since your BF is not in recovery it is inevitable that he will revert to his "Normal" behavior. Change is hard."
You know how life with him will be from what it is already.
It also seems to include him trying to manipulate you to help him get his drugs, and him trying to blame you if he can't get them easily (just another kind of manipulation.)
I know how hard it is to learn to live without our A's. We feel like they do without their drugs or alcohol. Our thinking gets scrambled. We are not happy with them. But somehow we think more of them will make us happier.
I hope you can learn all you can and take good care of yourself.
Yeah - it's strange Mattie - I used to be so sure that my ex-A was the person I wanted, yet I had a list of things I wanted him to change about himself that was a mile long. Hrmmm.
It took some work to realize "I love the idea of what I want you to be" is very different than "I love you."
