I looked.... - Al-Anon Family Group

rehprof · ~*Service Worker*~

I looked....

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

How old are your kids? Do they have a neighbor or friend to call if they feel unsafe? Do they know how to recognize if dad's been drinking? If your children are young, that obviously wouldn't be an option. Only you know how much of a danger he can be around the kids, have you talked to him about it or is it not worth the talk if he's in denial?

Honestly, I would leave my son with my A but that's because my son is older and can think for himself and call me or call a friend of mine for help. What about a breathalyzer for him that he must use before he drives? I know they make personal ones that you can get for home use. Would he be willing to do this or would he balk? Again, only you know your limits and you know him better than us here. Use your HP and get guidance from there. Keep praying and maybe the answer will reveal itself soon. Sorry if I can't be much help.

rehprof · ~*Service Worker*~

My kids are 15 (almost 16) and 10. I have a breathalyzer...but I hate to put the kids in the position where they have to breathalyze their Dad! ...

Gailey · ~*Service Worker*~

That's a tough one. I think the 15 year old can probably be trusted to know if dad is drinking or not and that will take care of the 10 year old. Does he have to drive them anywhere important during that week? I would probably not allow them to get into the car with him if it is absolutely not necessary....maybe take the car keys, if possible.

I wish we could give you the answers. Do what you must so that you can have peace while you are away.

Gail

glad lee · ~*Service Worker*~

Sometimes the choices are difficult, I do know that. For me, I try to run the options through this filter: Will it bring more peace? Will it bring more stress? Only one of those is what my higher power wants for me. If you truly have no other choice, then be at peace with it as you leave it in TRUST to the universe.

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

This is obviously not a solution for the kids, but you can often google and find pet-sitters (rather than kennels) nearby. Or you could just have your A look after the dog and find other answers for the kids. It's less likely that he'll drive the dog drunk! (As he won't be driving the dog at all.)

Other options for the kids might include a few days staying at their close friends' houses? Or maybe just for the ten-year-old? The 15-year-old is probably old enough to refuse to get in the car if dad is drunk, although of course it's still not a great situation for him to be in. But not life-threatening if he has the awareness not to get in the car.

In my experience, it's pretty much a given that an alcoholic will drink in any particular week.

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs Reprof,

I'm dealing with a similar situation as far as knowing how bad the STBXA is .. I'm so sorry that you are having this additional stress on top of trying to take a trip.

My eldest absolutely knows not to get in STBXA's truck if she knows he's been drinking and to call me immediately. I don't have the issue of distance. I would try and have a plan B set up so that the kids have a place to go and crash until Dad sobers up. I just don't know how doable that is considering I know what it means to live in the country.

I would def have some numbers of people they can call who would just come and get them if things got kind of dicey. It's a tough spot to be in.

Sending lots of love and support, hugs P :)

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Would you leave the most precious things in the world with a babysitter you knew was a drunk? You knew drinks and drives?

Just because he is their father does not mean a thing. He is sick sick sick and he is insane.

I know its a tough situation, but believe me,the things that could happen are much tougher. They are children period. four years old or seventeen years old. It's not up to the kids to keep themselves safe. It's up to their parents....

love,deb

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.