The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Situation: hubby had major heart surgery last month and is scheduled for another heart procedure in less than a wk. He's having some serious angina symptoms and the dr has told him to stay calm, quiet & get lots of rest prior to this upcoming procedure.
Ex daughter in law has been in a major meth meltdown for several wks - she calls off & on in screaming rages.(she's 2000 miles away) When this started, we opted to not answer the phone. Hubby begged to talk to her assuming he could calm her down and soothe the wild beast. I told him no and when he wasn't looking, I deleted her phone # from his phone. Well, he discovered that this morning and told me that I did not have the right to do that - and yes, he is right!! I apologized for overstepping and explained why I did it based on his current health issues and that I would not let her meltdown cause him a heart attack........absolutely controlling on my part but I feel it's within my discression as his caregive.
My A son(sober) even had a long conversation with him trying to explain that it was not within his power to calm her down and it would only do more harm - to him physically and give her more fuel for her firey rampage. Hubby has had two strokes and does have a lot of problems with understanding & problem solving - he can't think thru some situation especially emotional ones. I've asked him to trust me on this issue and let God carry this until after his recovery.
I know I overstepped in one sense but this is literally a potential life & death situation for my husband. I guess I'm hoping ya'll will tell me that I didn't commit a cardinal sin but I also crave some honest sharing.
I say, let yourself off the hook. It sounds like he's unable to make the best decisions for himself. You did what I probably would have done too. Even without all the medical stuff going on, who needs a raging phone call, for what good purpose?? She is beyond human aid.
You apologized, now let it go, my friend. (((hugs)))
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
I can't imagine doing that one differently. I understand it feels controlling and I suppose it is but really, sometimes we have to break the rules a little if there is true life threat involved, IMO.
Thanks for the feedback. With my control issues, so often it is hard to distingish between what is necessary & what is my old stuff rearing it's ugly head.
I would not give it another thought. I would have done the same in your situation. Glad Lee hit it on the head, she is beyond human aid. Take care of your husband.
I have done the same things and worse. I finally did the only thing I could, as a control freak the hardest, I let it all go. Now i'm working on the ability to accept the things I cannot change. Even though the knowledge to know the difference is harder to learn I think.
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IF YOU ALWAYS DO WHAT YOU HAVE ALWAYS DONE, YOU WILL ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU HAVE ALWAYS GOT
