rough morning - Al-Anon Family Group

imom · Senior Member

rough morning

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs imom,

I can sooo relate to what you are talking about and all I can tell you is it gives me great comfort to "know what I know", and truthfully I probably don't want to know any more anyway. What I don't know is probably the rest of the iceberg and what I do know hurts like hell. It is what it is .. I am sorry if I sound flip I've just been dealing with this for a LONG time (the drinking and deceit) and stbx has been out of the house for 150 days .. LOL .. yes I'm still counting the days. It is the biggest gift he gave me without meaning to. I was suppose to shrivel and crumble. I found out I'm made of sugar and steel and I like the combination. I am truly grateful for it. I chose to grab onto serenity, hope, clarity of mind, body and spirit and hang on for dear life to those things instead of the false hope, fantasy, denial and lies.

As you start to take care of you, as you start to find the serenity to accept the things you cannot change the courage to change the things you can and the wisdom to know the difference. You are going to know what you need to do next. Right now is first thing first .. you are your own best advocate.

I agree with the atty as well you DO need to protect yourself. If you know where the information is then guess what .. the information will still be there sooo don't sweat that stuff. When you need to access it you will be able to, and I still don't read everything I just get it and stick it in a folder and know when I need to go there I do and will. I have the information and that's ALL that matters.

I know what I know and I believe and trust myself and my higher power to guide me through this difficult time. I no longer need to believe what my stbxA is telling me or what he needs to sell himself to be ok with him. It's no longer about him for me. It's about what I need to do for my children and myself.

Please go to a face to face meeting if you can .. you will find so much support and I just can't begin to express, share or explain what that has meant to me. It has given me so much more confidence in myself and I have to tell you things are not easy all of the time. It pretty much sucks at times and I'm certainly not perfect and I will have to own my part in where my relationship fell apart and why I stayed as long as I did .. I am starting to see I wanted out a LONG time ago. Unfortunately I think I did things on purpose to push my stbx away, .. the alcoholism/affair/s would have finished it off anyway. I'm learning how to be friends with both men and women now. I really couldn't have done that a year ago.

As weird as this sounds .. I'm actually grateful for the situation I'm in reminding me that I'm no one to be trifled with AND I still have so much to learn about me!!!

It gets better and I'm soooo glad you had a good night!! Change doesn't come over night it takes a lot of baby steps and time.

Hugs P :)

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I can relate to this a bit and there was a time when I snooped like crazy, but after awhile I found that it kept me in a negative place and had to let it go for my sanity. My gut told me one thing and my AH at the time told me another and well there was just a point that I had to believe in myself and my feelings no matter what and stop thinking of myself as crazy. I used to spend hours with a baby in her carseat looking for him and driving myself nuts, but it eventually came to me that he will come home eventually and whatever happens I will deal with it and be okay. And I have dealt with it and am better than okay. Learning to love myself and let myself be human is huge and having acceptance that my exAH, his parents and my Mom are not going to be rational a lot of the time helps. I still get mad and hurt, but it lasts shorter and I don't obsess the way I used to. I am glad you took time for yourself it is important. Keep taking good care of you! Sending you love and support!

texasgal · Senior Member

I know how u feel. I too have gone out with my friends & wondered the same. My sober A can't ever be alone. He needs constant attention like a 2yr old. I'm getting so tired of keeping tabs on him. He doesn't bother to look for me when I'm out. I'm just trying to get through each day 24 hrs at a time.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Ok kiddo look at it this way,

You live in a wild jungle, never knowing where you stand or if you are safe.

then one day you go out the door of the jungle to a calm happy place where you are loved and you feel happy!

Then you have to go thru that door. You would have to be nuts not to feel miserable!!!

Like eating that canned spinach, I love fresh, then ya have cheese cake and sweet tea, then have to eat spinach again.

Myself I am outa there if he did give attention like that to another woman. or man for that matter. Husbands put wives first and visa versa in my world.

Again I agree this is sick sick sick. And onea Toms sayings,"Now what are you going to do?" I am telling you being proactive in making a change, is so freeing and you will feel better. Even if it is just starting to make a plan.

Do you pay for his cell? I am afraid to know.....geez

Hugs and hopefully you are beat up enough from this disease and will find your ladder or rope out of the pit. hugs hugs and keep coming and sharing as much as you need want. debilyn

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