The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I know this probably sounds obvious, but (I'm realising on a deeper level today) it's not just an As drinking or other compulsion I can't change, it's their maturity, their availability, their self centredness, their reactions, whether they care, how they see me, their misunderstandings judgements and assumptions....and pretty much everything else!!!!! Tigger x
Yes yes yes!!!! Since mine was sober while we were together I never assumed I could control his drinking and I didn't have a chance to try. BUT I did try to control and change all his character defects and addictive behaviors. I spoke to him the other day and asked if he thought it would have been any better between us if I had been in al-anon while we were together. He responded that it would have probably been worse because he would have tried to use my program to manipulate me and could have got me to put up with even more than I did. I tried to control him and I still have impulses to do so. Sometimes I push program to the back of my head and act on them. Guess what? It doesn't change anything but my mood. I wind up feeling icky.
Yeah icky describes it really well. That horrid toxic drained stressed feeling along with shame too. That's the way I always feel after a controlling episode. I feel all pale and dehydrated and sick (often I've put eating drinking and peeing on hold while I "make my point") and time seems to go by really fast Hours can go by in that zone and can feel like half an hour. Sometimes I think my own sickness mutates when I make progress and can slip back in new and more creative guises...since Al-anon controlling my partner has often masqueraded (unconvincingly) as program talk....hmmm right! Thanks for your reply x
