The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My husband will be speaking tonight at birthday night. He will be celebrating 7 yrs of sobriety. I hadn't gone these last 2 yrs. The first year we had separated two days before bday night the second cuz we had just gotten back together & I didn't feel right going. But this year he asked me to go & I do want to go but I'm holding on to resentment from the FB friend he dated while we were separated. Which I still have not talked to him about. I don't know what to do. It is in a few hrs so I need to make a decision. HP guide me.
I understand your predicament and it sounds as if you need to take the time you need to figure out how to respond. One question that comes to my mind is: Is not going to his celebration a way of moving the issue forward? Is it a constructive step toward resolving the issue? My guess is that when you figure out the next constructive step, the issue of whether to go or not go will lose its intensity. What do you want to happen and what's the next step toward making it happen? Those are questions that might help. Take good care of yourself.
I'm wondering if not going is an appropriate consequence. Does it address your resentment? Does it address the issue? I'm guessing he won't put it together. Will your resentment be lessened by not going?
I talked to a program friend & the issue of going or not is due to my feelings. He has been carrying on like normal. The conflict I have is within me. We have several family members as friends of FB & none have found the comments as a threat to me. They think the girl is crazy or obsessive or something for liking & commenting on everything. I'm just upset that she is his FB friend. He is home every night, goes to meetings, & leaves his phone lying around. If he were hiding smthg he wouldn't be so open. Im jeolous. I haven't acted on any feelings thanks to my HP. I didn't ransack his closet or try to check his phone which i did a lot when he was actively drinking. My HP has helped me a lot this week. This celebration is not about me for that hour it is about him reaching a milestone in his sobriety. I made it out to be about me because I'm resentful, angry, & jeolous of that woman. I need to look at the facts of what is happening today not what happened months ago. I tend to linger in the past. I need to ask my HP to help me forgive & forget which is so hard for me but not impossible with HP. Thx for the help & I love this program & this board it is helping me deal with feelings.
Sometimes, as hard as it may be, we just have to find a way to let it go. You have someting to be grateful here. 7 years of sobrety is amazing. Please try and remember that some never get there. Also, you are together, that in itself is wonderful. Please, embrass today and try and let yesterday go.
Texasgal, That last post showed a lot of growth and maturity - as well as using the program to help you. Thanks for modeling good problem solving for us (for real)!
