The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi Tracy, you're doing great. In my experience, the universe sometimes brings these experiences for me with purpose, I often get "Are you SURE??" moments, to give me another chance to choose it or refuse it again. These experiences just help me to get clear and sometimes I have to feel it over and over again before I get clear
Bottom line is, I can't really be manipulated if I'm onto the manipulation, if I"m seeing it, I cannot be manipulated. If I still fall prey and get hooked again and cannot take care of my own best interests... once again, it's an opportunity to keep feeling those feelings until I do become clear. Sometimes I learn the hard way.
You know what you want, good for you. For me, I sometimes think I have to be get approval from people I don't even approve of. Do you need HIM to understand and validate you for some reason? Trying to explain myself and get approval from an alcohoic usually leaves me feeling crazy because the alcoholics in my life are so skilled at turning the tables. It looks like he did that to you. Alcoholics are selfish and self-seeking, they rarely have my best interests at heart.
My suggestion? If you feel he is a trigger for you to go down a slippery slope you don't wanna go down, don't communicate at all, make that your boundary. We are responsible for our own recovery and we have to stay away from triggers that will set us back. And we never have to justify, argue, defend or explain ourselves. The more I practice that, the stronger I become, I validate myself.
" No" is a complete sentence. But I kinda favor this version: "I hear you, I understand you, but no."
((big hugs))
-- Edited by glad lee on Monday 25th of June 2012 05:03:07 PM
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
I have been seperated from ABf he has slipped off his programme and is getting sicker by the day.
I on the other hand have been working hard at my programme I have really conected with my HP and I am enjoying myself. He contacted me yesterday when I explained I had nothing else to give he started beening nasty so I hung up, changed the bthings I could. Then the manipulation started txt saying I said I understood his illness and I was leaving him because of his sickness. I never replied till today. I txt him saying it was not fair to emtionlly blackmail me I had not give up because he was ill I had given up because he new he was sick and stop taking his meds (AA) therefore the disease was attacking me again son I was protecting me. I had to go as I was in work. He wants me to ring after.
I am so serious about my recovery and I can not b around really sick people, not letting manipulate me back into this unhealthy relationship.
I have just spoke to him its like I wanted him to say yeah you have been through enough sorry (stupid I know he is sick).
I told him I carnt take no more pain we chatted he was bit angrey I said i will not talk if it turns to blame and attacking. He then said he was going to sort his life and could he ring me in a couple of weeks, I swear my Hp was screaming no no no. I panicked and told him I can not take anymore. he hung up then started the manipulation again. So the disease has won. thing is I feel a little like him like I have let it win. But all I know is I am conecting with my Hp and finding myself and I can not have people in my life who hurt me and I can not trust. very confuding but just trying to be true to myself, thanks again xxx
Tracy, you sound so strong and determined, sounds to me like you are doing great. I have not had the courage to leave yet but reading about others making it work really inspires. Keep going, you sound like you are doing just fine to me. Hugs and prayers. sg
