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OK, so I already have custody of my AD 16 year old son, now her 4month old has been placed with us for the last month and I am struggling what to do. Of course we love our gd to pieces and she is an easy baby BUT we are in our 60's my husband has health issues, I have a full time job and we are exhausted. I know everyone is expecting us to take custody because it is the right thing to do, but is it?
I can't tell you what is right for you. I think if you spend some time with your HP and listen to your answers that come from within you, you will know what is the right decisions for you. It is hard to decipher what we are supposed to do by what others might think is best for us. This is a hard one for sure. Are you making it to meetings and or have a sponsor? I like to have people in program that know me to help me come to my conclusions, but they always tell me to spend some quiet time with my HP which works for me when I let go and really listen. I am sending you much love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Sometimes the "right" thing to do, isn't. You have permission to take care of yourself first. A baby and a teenager would be a handful for anyone, much less a couple dealing with health issues and staring down the barrel of retirement. What good would it do that baby, who I know you love so dear, to be raised by exhausted and sick grandparents? Obligation to my family kept me stuck for a long time. It is okay to say NO. You have done enough. Maybe it's time for your AD to deal with the consequences of her actions in a way other than just dropping the kids off with mom.
Do what's right for you...maybe you could work something out where you take them every other weekend if you want to...it is no judgement of your love or concern for your grandkids. They are lucky to have you in their lives.
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Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us. -from Pema Chödron's When Things Fall Apart
It might not be a case of "the" right thing but the most right thing. No, it certainly is not ideal. You have some soul searching to do and to assess your support system in terms of what you would do if health problems arose or if your age is really that big a concern. You are not obligated either....as you and your husband have but 1 life to live and this is "supposed" to be your retirement/golden years... Your grandson is getting older and he might be part of your plan for having help with the baby too.
I do want to share that I work in the foster care system and have been involved with some grandparents that visit often and support their grandkids but for whatever reason, were not in a place to take them in from their adult children. The kids are okay and they know their grandparents love them even though it's obviously not an ideal scenario.
This is certainly not a situation on which anyone can advise you. The answer must come from within your soul. The decision you make must be one you can life with in peace. It is entirely understandable why you would be exhausted. Is there another family member who could step up, at least part of the time?
I do hope that you will decide what is best for you and your husband. I will keep you close in my positive thoughts, and send positive energy your way.
Very best of good wishes to you,
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
