Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> saddened
Post Info TOPIC: saddened
silent


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 80
Date:
saddened
Permalink  

it felt good talking to him,by texting and hearinghis voice one time,i havent even heard another word from him,no texts or calls ,i guess he meant what he said that he really did miss me and that he couldnt just keep on texting,i allways thought that alcoholics/drug addicts had no feelings at all  cause they never allowed themselves to feel anything ,no hurt,no pain ,no nothing,but i actually did think for a min. that he was actually feeling the pain of loss,but i dunno ,who does know?mightve been a game of thinking he could maybe get his foot back in my door agin,seems theres always an ulterior motive for every thing he done or did,does make me sad or gives me sad feelings,even thought he really wanted to see milo my yorky ,he loved him more than anything and my yorky loved him soo much also,but oh well like i said he just ended it,prollly hp working on me and him at the same time,any esh plz,,,silent



__________________
Mattie


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3613
Date:
Permalink  

Every time I reconnected with my A, I'd get similarly involved in all the worry about his response -- why was he responding to me this time and not that time?  How could he say such nice things and then disappear?  Didn't he remember what he said before?  Why would he be so friendly and then so cold?  Etc. etc. etc.

Remember that it's as if they have SSS, for SICK SICK SICK, written on their foreheads.

Meanwhile we are sucked back into the worry.  Suddenly our minds are full of them again.

I remember actually saying to my therapist, "What do people think about when they don't have relationship problems to think about?"  Because I had lost all capacity to think like a person without relationship problems. (She said, "They think about all the parts of their lives.")

If we want something to distract us from our lives, thinking about alcoholic behavior is it, because we can try to understand it forever, and we'll never get to the bottom of it.

Maybe this is a time to remember the Al-Anon saying: "He's going to do what he's going to do; what are you going to do?"



__________________
Dolly Llama


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 284
Date:
Permalink  

The dog will get over it. And you will, too.

He does what he does because he is an addict. Out of his head and into yours! I became as addicted to my ex A's attention just as he was addicted to the bottle. I figured out my addiction and found healthy ways to get my needs met through the support of Al Anon. Wishing you serenity and happiness.

__________________

Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us. -from Pema Chödron's When Things Fall Apart
hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17196
Date:
Permalink  

Hi Silent 

 I am so sorry that you are saddened once again by this connection.

  You have recived powerful suggestions from our MIP Family and I would just like to add that coming here, sharing your pain is a great way to learn how to let go and let God

Good Job Keep on coming back



__________________
Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3653
Date:
Permalink  

Hon we cannot rationalize insanity.

Also could be his disease manipulating you. Make you miss him, he is going to show you!!!

I invite you to think of you. Remind yourself he cannot love you when he does not love himself.

You love you enough to protect yourself from his disease.

Glad you came here. love,debilyn



__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Chaya


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 119
Date:
Permalink  

He sent me the final check for money he owed me for reasons I wish it was never owed. Instead of a letter (i requested no more letters and no more contact)I got one sad little face on the bottom corner of the paper. Perhaps he did it to suck me in; maybe he did it because he really is sad. The thing is that it doesn't have to be either/or. After my first share on this board a few weeks ago I got some feedback that my ex probably was doing a little of both. I still have the obsessive thoughts that keep me from living in the moment. I guess what I am realizing is that it doesn't matter what his intentions were-they didn't make me feel good. I need to stop thinking about him and what he is thinking about all the time. I am tearing myself apart and emotionally abusing myself worse than he ever did.

__________________
Love, Chaya
Jadie


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 69
Date:
Permalink  

Yes, they do get sad but sadness is not their bottom.....they are sick and will continue to do what they do......yank our heartstrings, upset us with needy comments, false promises, fill us with love, fill us with resentments, fill us with fear.

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

He is not ready for change, but you are.

What changed it for me.....I got a gut wrenching sobbing begging call, made myself sick and anxious over it all night, gave in and went to see him next morning, when I got there he asked why I was there.....he was partying at 9am with his mates......he didnt know if it was 9am or 9pm.

I believe that my HP took me there that morning to open my eyes. It did.

(((((hugs))))

In support

Jadie x



__________________
pinkchip


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 5663
Date:
Permalink  

What are you doing for yourself in your free time? You will stop obsessing over him so much when you do other things to fill up the void he was filling for you.

__________________
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> saddened