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I have been going to meetings for a couple weeks now and they are helping so much. I would really like to get a sponsor at this point, but I am scared of (1) rejection and (2) another failed relationship. I do not trust myself to ask another woman who will be positive in my life. I don't trust my picker and I don't trust them. I feel drawn to one if the women who has been in the program for a number if years. There is something calming and caring about her that draws me in. Im just scared.
Chaya
I can understand your fear. I will have to pick a new sponsor since moving and well it does seem daunting, but I will hold onto my old priceless one for awhile longer yet. Just remember they are human also and try not to take it personally if she is too busy or not feeling capable to do it. When it is time you will know, trust yourself and your choice. Sending you love and support.
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Don't sweat the small stuff if someone says no it's not about you!!! I had to ask 2 different people before I got my sponsor and guess what .. I wouldn't trade her for the WORLD!!! She is exactly who I need at this time in my life. It was really hard for me to put my faith in something greater than myself that I would pick the right person.
It's ok to be scared .. so don't worry about that. You will know if it's not right and there is no pressure to keep the same sponsor. I don't know if you have read the brochure about sponsorship it gives a good outline on what a sponsor should do for you and what they shouldn't. You can find it at your meeting.
Hugs P :)
PS - Congrats on wanting to take such a wonderfully positive experience in your healing!!!
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I understand The program presented me with many powerful ways to grow and change . My old worn out tools no longer serve me.
Alanon meetings and the members gave me a safe place to practice the principles in all my affairs. I too felt fearful and afraid of rejection.
Alanon suggested that I not take rejection personally. If someone said "NO" it was something to do with their issues and not me I could just go ahead and ask another.
The program also suggested that the Sponsor and Sponsee relationship be an" Honest One. " In learning to be honest in a relationship( for the first time ) I learned how to take care of me, validate my wants and needs and trust myself
We pray for courage in the serenity prayer. That is because fear pops in often Ask HP for courage and take the risk
I understand your fears. When I was a newcomer I met a woman much like the woman you describe in your post. I began by making program calls to her to get see if she had time to listen and how talking about program with her felt for me. When I was ready, I asked her if she would be my "temporary" sponsor. I explained that I was in the process of trying to find a sponsor and didn't trust myself completely yet and that I hoped she understood. She did understand. I said if this isn't a good fit for you or me, I think we should tell one another. She said ok. Well it worked out great and I was her sponsee for three years until I moved away but we still meet for lunch every time I fly home. Best wishes for your recovery journey and finding that special bond with another program person. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Totally understand. I've been going to meetings for 5 months now and still hadn't found a sponsor. The 2 women whom I was drawn to both turned me down and it took me a while to ask anyone else. I finally just asked a random woman at the Friday meeting and I just prayer before the meeting for my Higher Power to guide me to the right sponsor. I have my first meeting with her on Wednesday so we'll see how it goes. I had also asked a few other ladies but they also turned me down, I didn't let it get to me though. I remind myself that if someone asked me to be emotionally involved in their lives right now, I probably wouldn't be up for the task. Being a sponsor is a tough job and I remind myself that it's not all about me and that they have personal trials and tribulations too. You'll find someone, just don't be put off if they say no. Your Higher Power has a plan for you!
