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My exhusband and I have agreed to try to work things out if he stays sober. He is currently in a residential correctional facility. Everything seemed to be going well until I told him I was going out with my sister to a street dance to celebrate my birthday and I would probably drink. I'm not a big drinker maybe a few times a year. He has told me that I have disrespected him and don't care about his recovery. I'm feeling flustered. I'm trying to deal with my enabling issues and make a stand that he can't control me but I'm wondering if this is the wrong battle? Help!
MMy exAH wouldn't let me step foot in a bar that my best friend worked in to even say hi when I worked next door in the restaraunt. While he was white knuckling it with no program he was way more controlling and quick to get frustrated with me and finally when he did give in and drink he still blamed me and I believed it was my fault until I joined Al-anon and realized whether I walked on eggshells or not his sobriety was up to him. I am sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Whatever you do or don't do is not going to make someone stay sober or drink. There is a difference between being supportive which is an honest conversation .. hey honey having wine and/or beer in the house I really feel uncomfortable with that at this point and time. Hey you know what .. I'll be the first one standing at the sink dumping it out. Telling you what you can and can't do there are other issues going on. I think it's also important to respect when someone changes there mind on the issue one day it might be ok .. and the next day .. not so much.
There is a good book called Getting Them Sober by Toby Rice Drew I would recommend you pick up a copy. It really helps.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
And too you're both very young in change or "recovery" he is not sober yet, dry maybe but not sober, and still has a lot to learn. Other peoples drinking is none of his concern it is his drinking that is of his ultimate concern. Drinking is an itchty issue between couples and others affected by alcoholism...expect it and you won't be thrown off.
For me, I went the extra mile on education regarding alcohol and alcoholism; accepting that it is a fatal disease, uncureable, only arrestable with total abstinence and and a compulsive addiction and more helped me to put it down and then put it out of my life competely. You just gotta know how powerful the chemical and disease is to help abstain totally.
The crazy feeling is real. Our second step tells us that "a Higher Power can lead us to sanity" and I don't find it in a bottle anymore.
