It's a very touchy situation hon, not an easy one.

Green Eyes · ~*Service Worker*~

Letting Go and Letting God Can be Really Tough

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I have learned that adult kids do this, for a reason or not. They just need to detach from us sometimes. Someone on here told me this, it helped me so very much.What I did was ask my HP to protect my heart. It really got easier, didn't want to die anymore....well I felt horrible. It does hurt!We cannot control how others respond. I am guessing you were apprehensive when you told them how they would react. Dad is an adult, he can figure out his own life. You are not responsible for him.

It's a very touchy situation hon, not an easy one.

For me since my son and I were so close when he had to do this, I did know inside that if he really loved me, he would be back. And he is.

I also told him how I felt simply. I said,"Please don't be hard on me, just love me. HE said ok and he has been back to my usual thoughtful son.

My situation is I am an older woman now and am much more fragile than I ever have been. I believe in teaching others how to treat me.

If I were you, which I was, I would think about how simply I could put what I feel inside.

I don't know exactly how you feel but for example:

AD this situation with Dad is extremely hard on me too. I need dear daughter, for you to treat me compassionatly and with love.

Or simply, honey I need tenderness and love. Right now she knows you love her. But she does not know what you need. This is our whole thing at Al Anon. WE must learn to tell people what we need.

Believe me she will be back. I know you may need her, but its ok to just picture her with HP, allow her to figure out how she feels.

When I was little my MOther was going to divorce Daddy. We were sitting in our ugly car, hated that thing, she told us, my brother who was like seven, took off down the road running. I remember feeling scared.

Divorce, what does it mean? Will I see dad? Will he want to see me? Will mom be ok? Will Dad? Family is family whether it is good bad or ugly. Its familiar.

I pray for HP to protect your heart! hugs to you,debilyn

I have no idea how to fix this wacko post!

-- Edited by Debilyn on Thursday 14th of June 2012 05:12:24 PM

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

I don't have any ESH, .. I just wanted to send you love and support and know I am thinking of you. I have always had a strained relationship with my mom and this is me .. I think you are doing the right thing by letting her know you love her and are thinking of her. Leave the door unlocked because pride tends to super glue it shut and as long as there is hope that there is a crack, it is soooo much easier to open back up.

Hugs P :)

Jadie · Veteran Member

We cannot arrange (re-arrange) our children's thoughts & emotions. Time out to absorb unsettling news in normal. I agree with Debilyn our kids need to detach & find their own way. I don't take things like this personally....just keep working my programme the best I can & keep my own side of the street clean.

She knows she's loved, she'll be back when she's ready

In time she will respect you for honouring & respecting yourself, a valuable lesson to teach our children

In support

Jadie x

Green Eyes · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks, everyone, for your kind words. I ended up sending her a text a couple of days ago to let her know that I love her and am keeping her in my thoughts and prayers. She has yet to respond, so I will leave the door open and hope that someday she will communicate with me again.

glad lee · ~*Service Worker*~

Watching our family fall apart was very hard for my kids. What makes everything worse, is active addiction. There is no clarity, just a fog, nowhere to go with all their crazy, mixed-up emotions, except to a bottle.

My sponsor told me to not leave my son out in orbit, to not hold him responsible for his addiction, he is powerless. So I did like you, I'd text him on occasion, leave voicemails, and send cards and packages. She told me to just love him.

Do the next right thing, as you believe Higher power would have you do. And then, humbly rely on Him, who has the power to put things right ((big hugs))

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

It's a very touchy situation hon, not an easy one.

For me since my son and I were so close when he had to do this, I did know inside that if he really loved me, he would be back. And he is.

I also told him how I felt simply. I said,"Please don't be hard on me, just love me. HE said ok and he has been back to my usual thoughtful son.

My situation is I am an older woman now and am much more fragile than I ever have been. I believe in teaching others how to treat me.

If I were you, which I was, I would think about how simply I could put what I feel inside.

I don't know exactly how you feel but for example:

AD this situation with Dad is extremely hard on me too. I need dear daughter, for you to treat me compassionatly and with love.

Or simply, honey I need tenderness and love. Right now she knows you love her. But she does not know what you need. This is our whole thing at Al Anon. WE must learn to tell people what we need.

Believe me she will be back. I know you may need her, but its ok to just picture her with HP, allow her to figure out how she feels.

When I was little my MOther was going to divorce Daddy. We were sitting in our ugly car, hated that thing, she told us, my brother who was like seven, took off down the road running. I remember feeling scared.

Divorce, what does it mean? Will I see dad? Will he want to see me? Will mom be ok? Will Dad? Family is family whether it is good bad or ugly. Its familiar.