I describe detachment as being happy regardless of what is going on around me , I have learned to leave other peoples problems where they belong " with them " support thier efforts but step aside .  to me what your describing is indifference and that gets lonley after awhile ,not caring about what is happening neither happy nor unhappy , strange place to be .  Are you attending Al-Anon meetings for yourself or is your husb the only one in recovery ?  just wondering  Louise

Right on PP you got it and the reality will catch up with you.  Yes your detachment affects him and will affect others as you set your own paradigms and boundaries and do what it is that PP finds necessary and put priorities to...that doesn't mean what you decide doesn't include others.   Detachment IS separation and it is not abandonment or divorce.  For me it meant learning how to take care of my life with the awareness that others were living around me and didn't need my permission or guidance to do that.  I didn't need to critique or comment without being asked and or invited.  I am responsible for my life.  

I had a dream joke when I was in early program that I had died and gone to judgement and as I stood before the judges bench and started to tell them the story of my life they realized that I was actually telling them the story of my Alcoholic/addict's life.  I stopped and asked now what do I do? and they responded...Go back and do it all over again.   Bwaaaah..I woke up trembling at the thought.

There was also a joke in our local Home group that tells of an Al-Anon member returning home from the meeting and who gets into a fatal automobile accident and just before she passes...the life of her alcoholic flashes before her eyes.

Detachment is an art form...once you get it down very good...you never go back to enabling like you use to.

Great share.  (((((hugs)))))

Great ESH already, I just wanna toss in another thought. If you are anywhere near my age, anywhere near menopause, your hormones could be changing. My boyfriend has done some reading on menopause and told me it's completely normal for menopausal women to stop caring so much, as we have always done in the past. He says it's natural to get to a point where we want to care MORE for ourselves. He is a scientist and I think he wanted to research my "make your own dang sandwich" attitude.

Being in a new relationship, it baffled me too, how detached I felt. He tells me it's normal.  I must say, I feel much more separate, like an individual in this relaltionship, it feels much more healthy.  I credit al-anon, of course, I didn't grow up knowing how to do any of that.  In my marriage to AH, we were terribly enmeshed.  So maybe you're just getting healthier...?

There is a lovely quote from poet Rainer Maria Rilke in The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage:

"Once we realize
that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue to exist,
a wonderful living side by side can grow
if they succeed in loving the distance between them,
which makes it possible
for each to see the other
whole against the sky.
A good marriage is that in which each appoints the other
guardian of his individuality."

Only you can know if it's more than any of this, please take what you like, my friend.

Thank you all, and Tracy, I understand completely what you posted and I like the analogy of the chains breaking away.  Jerry, I loved the sharing of the dreams.  I had a dream last night that I was dancing, and, to me, that symbolizes freedom.

Louise, I do attend regular al-anon meeting and have a sponsor.  I wondered, too, if I was feeling indifference, and there may be a piece of that in the mix, as nothing is black or white to me, for the most part I do feel quite happy with the feelings, just different!

Hugs back to all of you.