The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have had so many lessons and many of them very excruciatingly humbling .. lol. I have had much egg on my face and still fight against the tide to figure out where I need to be, in that respect I don't think I'm much different than many addicts in coming to the idea that I have to surrender. It is the only way to truly choose recovery, and yet just like a toddler I'm going to figure out how to get it done myself! I will do whatever I can to avoid surrending myself to a higher power. By golly my will be done .. not my HP's (God). Yeah .. I'll let you know how that's working for me .. most of the time not so good .. lol.
Looking at the past 120 days I have struggled to find my program legs, stumbled, slowly/quickly walked, ran, stumbled again (and again, again and again .. lol) and yet just continue to keep moving forward. The only way I can do that is to just keep coming back. Coming here to the boards, going to my meetings and continuing to work the best program that I can by working the steps. In that regard I have been a little tardy. I gain so much insight from all who share here it is humbling to read the input here and I am so grateful to every person who shares their pain, progress, hope, and lives, be it everyday or every once in while.
It's still a process and I can only hope my mind is continually opened daily to receive and give whatever I can during my 24 hours.
Coming to alanon doesn't mean all of my problems disappeared, .. WOW .. did it make them more managable. It does tell me daily I am not alone. It also tells me daily I have choices and more importantly it gives me hope that I can change. I don't have to stay where I am at and live my life the same way forever .. bleah .. I wouldn't choose to be the person I was 1 1/2 years ago. I sure would choose who I am becoming over and over again even if it means having to walk the same pain to get here.
Anyway, thanks for letting me share, .. much love and support, hugs P
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Big hugs to you!!! You are doing great and are always an inspiration to me! What's most important is that you are moving forward and trying not to fall back into the patterns of the past. My program legs are wobbly, too, but I know they are still supportive and someday they will be strong and toned. It didn't take us 120 days to get to where we are today so you know, as well as I do, that this is all going to take time! Sending you lots of support today!
((((Sis)))) often times I have to remember to halt (not the hungry thingy but the) STOP!! STAND STILL!! DON'T MOVE AND JUST LOOK AROUND!! My elder sponsor gave me a slogan that is etched on the inside of my being..."When in doubt...DON'T" So I don't...I don't try to move forward or backward or sideways or up or down. I stand still and look down at my feet to see where I'm at and then I look up thru the forest into the light above and ask..."Where do you want me?" and then I wait before moving in any direction. When I stop and stand still I can see what is around me...all around me...where I am at. It is important for me to know where I am at.
I have had much egg on my face and still fight against the tide to figure out where I need to be, in that respect I don't think I'm much different than many addicts in coming to the idea that I have to surrender. It is the only way to truly choose recovery, and yet just like a toddler I'm going to figure out how to get it done myself! I will do whatever I can to avoid surrending myself to a higher power. By golly my will be done .. not my HP's (God). Yeah .. I'll let you know how that's working for me .. most of the time not so good .. lol. 
