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Today realized a new way that my codependency harms me. I was getting upset today at work about one of the clients in our drug treatment program who we suspect is selling out in the parking lot. Now it's simple, you get caught selling you get discharged. However, I started getting upbout or him about his behavior and poor choices. I wasn't even upset for me or how it could impact other clients. I was upset that he had been doing so well and he would put himself at risk. I found myself getting frustrated and overwhelmed as I generalized that nobody is getting better and my job is hopeless. I ate a bag of chips, a bunch of candy, and also had a cigarette. The cigarette was a big deal too because I so rarely smoke. I felt do disgusting after all that. I completely stuffed myself with junk to ease the hurt I had for my client. Whoa!!! When I stopped to think about it I was shocked. Perhaps this is why I gained so much weight the last two years dating an alcoholic. I was eating for two!
Wow....I can relate to the destructive eating. I have done it all my life. Of course I know I have def inherited my dad's addiction. My drug of choice is food...mostly carbs and sugar which is really what the A has too. You will notice that many As (including my son) will consume large amounts of sweets and caffeine if they are off the booze. My son is starting to get concerned about the food he eats so much of and the large amounts of coffee with sugar in it that he drinks at AA meetings. He can see what that addiction has done to me so I think that is why he realizes the harm.
¨ I was eating for two!¨ LOL! I'll share my ESH on that subject. Some months ago I figured out that living with an A was causing me to stress/pleasure eat. When I got stressed out over something stupid he said or did I would reach for a candy bar or chips. Also, I was making an effort to do things that I like to do for me. I live in a somewhat remote area, there are no movie theaters, museums, shopping centers, concerts, etc. for diversion. So ¨doing something nice for me¨ often translated into eating something I enjoyed. Unfortunately what I enjoyed wasn't always good for me. Once I became aware of this (when my clothes started getting tight on me!) I was able to change it. Stress still triggers me to eat. But now I keep the candy bars and chips out of the house and reach for a piece of fruit or some nuts instead. I've found that making myself a chicken veggie stir-fry for dinner is just as satisfying as a cheeseburger & fries. I don't mean to be all preachy about healthy eating. I still have an occasional candy bar or cheeseburger. But now I think about what I eat before it goes in my mouth. Because living in a stressful situation can harm us in many ways, one of them being bad eating habits. Changing how and what I eat has been one more part of taking care of me. Perhaps you can start eating for you, instead of for two. : )
The awareness is so key, good for you! We can all use "crutches" to cope with stress, just as an alcoholic/addict does. This level of honesty is exactly how I could IDENTIFY with an alcoholic and I proceeded to explore my own addiction issues. Growing up in an alcoholic home, I learned ESCAPISM very well, how to escape uncomfortable feelings. I can do it by over-eating or over-shopping or over-working. The steps help me sooo much to see when my life is UNMANAGEABLE. So often, that's what I see BEFORE I'm seeing the powerlessness part.
I have come to believe that just about everyone on this planet is trying to fill the void, that god-shaped hole in all of us, life is hard for most of us. Sometimes we lose clarity and forget what the real solution is. I used to confess to my sponsor that "I just ate enough for a family of four." It happens. We laugh a lot. I am just grateful that today, thanks to al-anon, I don't stay there very long, certainly not as long as I did before coming into recovery. I have the help of the steps and my meditation practice which helps me to stay in the present moment.... when I do that, I really don't like the full feeling I get from over-eating. Today, I know the solution is not in a family-size bag of chips, lol
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
I too watch my eating as it can be an escape hatch for me in the moment of stress, but after the binge it makes everything worse including how I feel about myself after. I already have a low self image issue of myself no matter what anyone says and well self sabotage hurts worse. It reminds me hurt people hurt people, except I have to remember that even includes hurting myself.
Awareness is key and that you already have. It grabs me once in awhile taking someones recovery progress personally and I have to remember to keep the focus on my side of the street and what I can control. I can get distracted by the negative impact of alcoholism and how eveyone seems to be effected by it at times, but then I remember how being impacted by it has made me who I am and well thats not a bad thing. Progress not perfection and be gentle with yourself. Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I too am a stress eater. I am still fighting it and learning to be "present" with it. For me it's learning to not just eat mindlessly - but to sit and say "why that choice"? It's still a battle and each time I can walk away from sweets it's a victory. I also feel mine is very similar to alcoholism. It's only sweets and I get to where just saying "no" feels impossible. It keeps me in check a lot to remember I have my own worries to focus on!
Compulsive Overeating has its own 12 Step group and it's own road to Recovery. I could be working about four separate programs because I qualify for them; maybe more.
I choose to work Alanon's 12 steps and I find that in working this Program I am abstaining from all my destructive behaviors. I take my Program and my recovery very seriously. Myself, I take lightly because my ego would prefer the opposite.
I'm not eating for two, drinking for two, spending for two or controlling for two (for today) and I pray each day to stay in my own skin and be comfortable there.
Great post everyone. I too eat when frustrated with the A. I see it as an addiction too because I used to whole hog, so to speak. Now, I try to eat healthy allday, salads or fibre, then at night I eat much smaller meals an allow for chocolate, hey, they are saying its good for us. Anyway, gotta have something good. Not 5 chocolate bars like before, maybe one. I never feel good about eating when frustrated, so why make it worse? I also reccommend hugging a cat. I have 5 so I don't overhug any in peticular. They apprecciate that effort.
