The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
"Be committed to the relationship you have with yourself.
We get so committed to other relationships, but we sort of toss ourselves away. We get around to ourselves only now and then.
So, really care for who you are. Take care of your heart and soul."
This was from Louise Hay's facebook page recently. She also added, "Let's all share ideas on little ways we can do good for ourselves every day."
I thought about her post as I began my day today with feeding my dogs. It comes first because they demand it, lol. And when I do, they worship me all day. Or at least, until next feeding time, when they go into HALT again, hahaha
After they are fed, after their needs are met, they are calm. I light a candle and we sit in my meditation chair for about 20 minutes together. Then, I read some daily literature...
Every day is like this. Today, it occurred to me, I love my life. My heart and soul feel really, really good..... to CHOOSE this..... for me.
I was not like this in the past, I typically woke up and my brain would immediately anticipate the day and I would begin to worry and obsess. I would focus on how I might make my husband and family happy by making their favorite breakfast, etc. I might try to figure out what to cook for dinner, again to make them happy, what I could do to make this a happier place. I spent a LOT of time creating an illusion that all was well... no problems here! I would keep myself busy, busy, busy so I wouldn't have to think or feel, and I would do this until I exhausted myself and just fell into bed at night. I was sooooooo outside of myself that I totally LOST myself, I didn't know who I was. Growing up in an alcoholic home, I don't know that I ever knew, I was kinda taught children should be seen and not heard. I became so focused on trying to "help" and "fix" that by the time I ended up in al-anon, I did not know what MY favorite meal was and I certainly didn't know my favorite color, I remember my sponsor asking. I was clueless. I held a belief that it was a "quality" to be "selfless" but I didn't understand why I was so resentful and angry....
Today I know that if I don't care for myself, nobody will. It's totally up to me. I am the ONLY one. If I don't care for myself, I simply don't have any Love to give anyone, it must begin with ME.
So today, I continue to make an effort to un-do my past behaviors. I can fall into it all very easily if my people-pleasing fears pop up, my fear of what people think of me, my sense of over-responsibilty for others, etc. etc. I have to do as Al-anon and Louise Hay suggest, consciously choose to CARE for myself, choosing to do things that make me FEEL GOOD. And then, I have to acknowledge to myself, to be aware, that I am choosing it. I am choosing to love ME....
Other things I do that make me FEEL GOOD include riding my bike, eating well, working out, playing piano, doing reiki on myself, getting outdoors with nature....
I would love to hear what YOU choose. Make it a beautiful day ((everyone))
-- Edited by glad lee on Tuesday 5th of June 2012 02:46:40 PM
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
((Maresie)) I hope you keep jumping that hurdle, Girlfriend, you are soooooooo worth it.
A year ago, I held two jobs. There was very little time for me. I found myself getting sick more than I had in many years, like seriously sick for 3-4 weeks at a time. Then I became anemic, although I didnt' know it because I had no time to go to the doctor. I kept dragging myself to my second job which went until 10:30 p.m. and I continued to get up at 5:30 a.m. to go to my day job....
My sponsor, a cancer survivor, said to me, "You have to stop." I told her I couldn't. I was too afraid I couldn't make it financially. Then something happened I will never forget, she got angry with me and said, "I dare you to trust God! I dare you to quit your job!"
I was sooo afraid and I hated her for that. Nonetheless, I took all her suggestions, I did some serious praying, asking God for His complete protection and care. I quit the night job.
Today, things are tighter, but I find that everything I NEED, is always supplied, she was totally right!
This year, she's helped me quit my current day job, that will end soon because I have decided (after doing lots of inventory with my sponsor's help) that I am underpaid for what I do and I have decided that I am worth more. I DECIDED IT. I do not know yet what job is next because working 48 hours a week doesn't leave much time to find another job. But I've decided to trust Higher Power to bring me the right job with the right pay because trusting has always resulted in God's protection and care.
They keep telling me the spiritual has to come before the material. I happen to need a job that doesn't require I live like a zombie, I simply don't have the energy for it anymore, I'm too old. I need time to experience that "love affair with myself" that Melody Beattie wrote about, why can't I have that too?!! I've decided, I can.
In my meditation book, it talks about something I totally relate to - about being like a king's daughter sitting in rags, not realizing all the treasures in store for me. If I would only TRUST that I am the daughter of a king who totally loves and supports me....
I'm practicing that this summer. I believe it is my spiritual responsibility to take care of myself, so I am taking a leap. And expecting the net to appear.
LOL
-- Edited by glad lee on Tuesday 5th of June 2012 04:02:20 PM
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
For me, my daily acts are simple.... I just try to be the the best father to my two kids that I can be.... I want them to love me AND like me, and I try to behave in such ways that allows that to happen.... In doing this, I find that I like myself more - as I am being the type of (great) person/father that my Dad was to me...
I am worth it.... as we all are...
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Thank you! I woke up this morning, and instead of feeling like OMG I lost him...my first thought was "I dont have to do anything today that isnt taking care of myself". Its a new concept for me for sure. Im wandering around in circles in the house by ,myself. Its confusing. Right now its simple. Eat when I need to...that is a very difficult task. Sleep...also difficult. Allow myself permission to have feelings...super super difficult. And watch whatever I want on tv. Ill get there. Thank you.
An important aspect of my self-care since joining Al-Anon is to spend my time with people who I admire, care about and enjoy spending time with them, and who are positive role models. I have been "weeding out" my toxic relationships- the people in my life who were negative, judgmental, and made me not feel good to be around them. This has helped me tremendously as I rediscover myself, look inward, and take better care of me!
Self care includes doing little things here and there for myself. Going out to the garden, being outside really makes such a great difference in my attitude. Cleaning house which has turned into therapy for me. Going to meetings is another way I do self care for myself as well as reading alanon lit and just reading for fun.
Great thread!!
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Hugs hun. Ive had my share of dental issues from my neglect as a child on into the neglect of myself that I carried with me...I wouldnt wish it on anyone. And, someone else mentioned it last night at my meeting. So glad you went.
Yesterday I was really proud of my self care. It involved me setting boundaries with my lovely yet whining 6 year old. By requesting that we have quiet time just to think instead of her continuing to complain about walking home, not wanting to carry her lunch box, not wanting to clean her room, i was able to separate myself from her bad mood. In turn, she broke down and started crying after quiet time and expressed how tired she felt all day. We made a plan for her self care which involved going home, taking a shower, having a snack, and laying down to relax. I was better able to soothe her because I controlled my mood. I didn't allow myself to join in her crankiness. Because I could stay so cool she had security in me and was able to better regulate her own emotions. After rest time she took care of her chores and we shared in cleaning the apt together and actually had tons of fun doing it. I felt like it was a productive afternoon on an emotional and a practical level.
I woke up and read my 3 daily Al-anon readers for June 6th, which always put me in the right mood and focused on God. I picked up my 3 1/2 year old and we had cuddle relax time because we both needed it. I loaded a 14 foot uhaul yesterday and unloaded it, set up the apartment and drove the hour and a half home with my best friend this morning. I am tired, but still functioning. I am however taking breaks in between doing things to be out of this house on Sunday. My last day off for awhile is today too so I will go to bed early. Sending you all love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
