Hi, 

I'm new to these forums, and new to Al-Anon (I'm planning on going to my first meeting this evening).  I hope this isn't too long.  

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years, living together for all of it (we were roommates before we were a couple).  I would say that he has drinking binges on average every two months.  Initially I had no idea he had a problem.  I remember, at the beginning of our relationship, going out with him and getting some beer and food, and coming home and having fun.  We danced and talked.  Near the end of the evening his behavior was annoying, but not disturbing.  Since then his behavior has gotten increasingly worse with every binge.  It wasn't until last March, about 10 months into our relationship, that it occurred to me that he had a serious problem.  He had a disagreement with a co-worker and instead of dealing with it like a grown-up, he called off work for three days (said he had the flu), got beer, and was drunk for that entire time.  Last May was when he had his first drunken binge where he yelled and screamed at me for hours (once again he was mad about something at work, I can't remember what).  He also forgot where the bathroom was and peed in a corner.      

About a month ago he exhibited his first violent behavior.  He started breaking things, calling me names, and threatening to leave.  This episode was triggered by a dog our roommate was watching getting into our garden and destroying some plants.  (The dog's owner replaced them, BTW.)  When he sobered up I gave him an ultimatum. I didn't want something like that to ever happen again.

Well, it did.

Once again the trigger event involved a dog.  My roommate was watching a different dog for a friend on a trip.  Turns out my boyfriend didn't like the dog because it barked at him.  I was out all day and when I got home that evening I knew something was very wrong.  I could smell the beer; my stomach sank.  I found him in bed, and asked him about his day, mistake one.  He sneered, then asked "What do you want to hear?" I made mistake two, asking if he'd had some drinks.  He flipped out. 

He screamed at me.  The dog was outside and barking.  He threatened to harm the dog.  When I told him he couldn't, he shoved me.  This is the first time, in two years, that he has done something like this.  I said I was going to call the police; he said he was leaving.  He packed his stuff.  He packed most of his clothes and none of his socks or underwear. 

Instead of the police, I ended up talking to his mother.  He also talked to her.  It seemed to calm him a little, though he screamed and called me names while talking to her.  Then he left.  I kept in contact with his mother until I knew he was in a safe place that night (he went to a motel).  He called me, but I didn't answer.  I had no desire to talk with him. 

Roommate was out during this episode (also out during the last one, too).  When he asked where my boyfriend was, I told him he was at a motel because the dog made him nervous.  Partly true, I don't know how much I should tell my roommate.  Roommate was mortified, and contacted his girlfriend to come take the dog and watch it.  Dog was gone within the hour.  He also wants to reimburse boyfriend for the motel room. 

So now it's morning and I've got a lot to think about.  Relationship is over, obviously.  He hasn't contacted me this morning, yet.  No surprise there, I would expect that after stopping at the motel he would have gone out for more beer.  He's probably passed out right now.  He might call later.  Worse, he could just show up.  I'm not sure what I should do.

My second problem involves work.  We are employed by the same company.  They know we are a couple and that we live together.  During his rampage last night, he said he was going to quit.  He left all of his work equipment at the house.  He has a survey that he is supposed to do tomorrow that our supervisor may not be able to reschedule.  I have no idea what he plans to do about this.  I know that I'm not responsible for his work, but I'm concerned that this whole situation is going to reflect badly on me, somehow.  If he doesn't do it, and they can't get a hold of him, they will probably call me.  I have no idea what I'm going to tell them.  (We both have a good reputation at work.  My boyfriend may have a drinking problem, but he does work hard, earn money, and contribute to our expenses.  I can say that much good about him.)

Worse, he might try to deal with the situation drunk.  What if he calls them drunk, or shows up drunk to get his work stuff, or does his survey drunk?  If he wants to self-destruct, that's his decision, but I'm terrified he's going to do something to take me down with him. 

Has anyone had to do damage control? How has it turned out?  Has anyone had an SO walk out on them when they were renting?  What did you tell the landlord?  Like I said, if he wants to ruin his life, then I can't stop him.  But I don't want him to screw up mine anymore.  I'm so sad, mad, and scared right now. 

:(

Thanks for listening.