The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I attended an AA meeting this evening with my husband. As I listened to those who spoke, including a member that began that topic of "surrender," I realized on a deeper level that the alcoholic seeks recovery when they are ready.
Everyone's bottom, those who spoke, was different. But what was the same was that they wanted recovery. Many spoke of a fellow AA member that helped them. There was no mention of anyone non-alcoholic that persuaded them to seek help.
While I don't go to many AA meetings, when I do they always deepen my understanding that I can't force anyone to change.
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
I always appreciate the open AA meetings I attend for this very reason it reminds me weekly that I cannot cause, control, or fix the alcoholic to start drinking anymore than I can cause, control or fix the alcoholic when they want to stop drinking. In dealing with the current drama it keeps in perspective that the alcoholic in my life is sick.
Thanks for the reminder, hugs p :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Have a great and satisfying vacation GM you and your mate.
"I'm off this morning on a 2-week vacation with the husband, who has had 1 year of good sobriety. A few years ago, heck just 14 months ago, I would have never believed it possible. Back then, I was done DONE. Just shows that you never know what is in store for us."
For me this is the "God" part of recovery...When I turn all of it and me which includes the outcome that I will accept I get the miracles also. We use to say in early program...God don't make no junk...not in people, places or things. God is...add you favorite thought right after this.
When you surrender to and trust God completely this is how it comes out.
((((hugs))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Saturday 2nd of June 2012 02:09:18 PM
I love the post GM, it reminds me of my OWN complete, utter defeat and surrender to powerlessness. I had finally understood it with my husband, but then I had to experience it again and again with OTHERS in my life. The hardest was with my son....
He came to visit me from college, after my husband had moved out. During the visit, I sensed my son's life becoming unmanageable. So I thought I would manage it for him. I proceeded to drive him and drop him off at the nearest AA meeting. Think he came back to visit me anytime soon?
hehee
The post also reminds me of my powerlessness over al-anons too, I currently have two sponsees in early recovery and they are truly suffering, they are quite defiant. My sponsor tells me how I was just. like. that. Who, after all, wants to admit defeat?!! Until we all hit a bottom, we will not be open to hearing the message and be willing to begin the steps. I can't speed up anyone's awakening, and I certainly couldn't speed up my own, in my experience, God arranged these things once I fell on my knees and begged, "I need your help."
Great post, I am so thankful ((hugs to all))
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
gladlee, several of those who spoke last night at the AA member spoke of breaking down and falling on their knees, praying to the God of their undertanding. They sought HP's help, not ours, the non-alcoholic.
And yes, there are so many opportunities in a day to remind us that we are powerless over others. I'm so glad I get that. I'm much more at peace.
I'm off this morning on a 2-week vacation with the husband, who has had 1 year of good sobriety. A few years ago, heck just 14 months ago, I would have never believed it possible. Back then, I was done DONE. Just shows that you never know what is in store for us.
Life is so good right now for the 2 of us.
Take care everyone!
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
I am a little sketchy on the exact details but he had hit Mum bad one day, and was on a bender. He turned up for work an absolute mess (he was a postal worker) and stinking of alcohol. I am not sure of the time frames but I think it was a day or so.
Mum got a phone call from his work ... the union boss... (my dad was big in the union) had taken my Dad to a residential rehabilitation service.
I think he told someone what he had done to mum
My Dad stayed there for the full 12 weeks or however long it was, in an AA run rehab hostel a few hours drive from where we lived, so we only saw him a few times.
He never returned to drinking.
When he shares in AA he shares that he looked at his wife and knew he had done something very bad. I remember that day. My Mum.. what she looked like.. my home.. my sister... all of it... its just the other details I am sketchy on as I was only 8 years old at the time.
My Dad hit the rock bottom for him but it was that realisation of inflicting physical pain that did it for him. I guess he could have always said no to that rehab place and/or not gone to work that day.... and come home and so it would have went.
Once had an AA member accidentally attend my regular Al Anon meeting. He got his time/day crossed and was very uncomfortable, but he stayed. Thought it was great he didn't book it for the door! It was really valuable to have him there and listen to his share. I hope he found some value listening to us, as well. It opens your heart and mind to hear the "other side" of alcoholism and reminded me that I'm not the only part of the equation that struggles.
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Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us. -from Pema Chödron's When Things Fall Apart
Thank you so much for this post. I needed to read this this morning. I'm working on letting go of my judgement. I am not HP, I do not need to try to play the role of HP.
Even though I think I see what needs to happen what I need to do is put it all back in HP's hands!!!
