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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> My 14 year old proved not perfect finally and I am shocked!
Post Info TOPIC: My 14 year old proved not perfect finally and I am shocked!
Breakingfree


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My 14 year old proved not perfect finally and I am shocked!
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Today was a shocker for me, right when I was getting off of work the school counselor called me in for a conference at the end of the school day. The counselor had found a journal entry by accident in one of my daughters books. I am glad she did, but wow! The page said she has cut herself a couple times like her friend does, it said she wanted to commit suicide and it talked off feeling emotionally abused and neglected by family and friends.

She is at the top of her class with a 4.05 gpa and is very athletic, plays guitar and sings with our Church youth band. I was so suprised to read this and the counselor had her come into the office and we talked to her about it. I cried and told her I worried about how she keeps everything inside and that she now has to see a counselor and try to learn to verbalize the pain she is feeling. I tried counseling before with her and she said she didn't need it, but this proves to me she does.

After this meeting I ran her home she showered and we went to her 8th grade presentation and graduation potluck. I called her dad as soon as we got in and well he was drinking and I didn't want to have this conversation with him under the influence. So I told him I need to have a conversation with him tomorrow and he was mad that I just wouldn't go into it over the phone right then. I told him if he had shown up to his daughters presentatiion at school today I would have told him, but now he was drinking and I will not discuss major things with him then and he knows that. He is such a donkey's butt to me at this point and my daughter is paying the price of having 2 very imperfect parents. I made an appointment with a lady who used to sponsor Al-ateen kids tomorrow after school. Any ESH is appreciated I am a bit freaked out and well overwhelmed.



-- Edited by Breakingfree on Wednesday 30th of May 2012 09:58:02 PM

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666

" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
dragonflys


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My son is 13 and I found out that he was having thoughts about 3 weeks ago. He had tried cutting as well. The group my son hangs around are called the "emo" group, meaning "emotional".

It was a lot for me to take in when I spoke to the school counselor about it. You are not alone. I got some really great advice from the school counselor and my son is now seeing a therapist that specializes in teen suicide. I know it is hard to believe, but teen suicide is much more common nowadays than ever.  My son is very reserved and would stay in his room and not come out.  My AH moved out three weeks ago and our lives have changed so much.  I have changed so much.  

My son talks to me more in the past 3 weeks, than he has in the past 9 months. 

Sending you much love and support.  PM me anytime :)

dragonflys



-- Edited by dragonflys on Thursday 31st of May 2012 12:03:51 AM

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nmike


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Sorry to hear about your daughter. Sometimes the external achievements cover up the internal conflict. I have three grown sons. The one I worry about the most is the over-achiever. They inherit some of our traits and are impacted by alcoholism in the family. However, from my experience, kids have life experiences and experiment in spite of our imperfections not necessary because of what we as parents are and do.

All the best,
Nancy

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ilovedogs


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Sending you tons of love and support. My son is 13 and I worry about this kind of stuff with him because he's sensitive and has anxiety issues. A friend of mine has an 11 year old daughter who was cutting herself and having emotional issues. Her husband is a Christian counselor and there is no alcohol in their home. They are very active in their church. I don't think it's just kids who are affected by alcholism(or other addiction) who are suffering. We live such fast paced lives, the world is an open book to these kids and nothing is held back. I have other friends whose boys have looked at porn and Playboy when they were 10 and 11 years old. The family was intact, dad was a good father and trying to set the right example, the mom stayed home with the kids, but still the boys found out about this stuff at school and wanted to check it out. They will never be able to erase those images from their brains, and that makes me sad but it's part of our society today.

Honestly, it's one of the reasons I homeschool. Well, it was years ago but now he plays competitive tennis and has a Facebook page and he knows things that I never knew he knew. Most recently I found out he knew what a 'boner' was, UGH! Where did my innocent little boy go?

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Breakingfree


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I have to talk to the exAH about this today and well I am alittle anxious about it. I am waiting for my daughters meeting with the Al-ateen sponsor lady today to see what comes of it also. Last night I let her just hang out in her room like normal, but I did tell her when I was a kid I had also journaled about wanting to commit suicide, but that I never cut I went the eating disorder route instead. She told me her friends have been using her brain and cheating off of her at school and that she was just feeling like she doesn't fit in. She has had to mature so much quicker and is so intelligent. She really doesn't want me to talk to her dad about this, but I feel I have to? I am questioning myself about that now, if he wasn't an A, I would never even question it.

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666

" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
canadianguy


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Very scary stuff indeed, but also a powerful reminder about the power and purpose of our program....

Your daughter CAN see the positive changes in you.....  she can see what you are doing to better yourself, your life, her life, etc.....  She needs to see that there is hope, and yes, there IS hope.... 

Keeping the lines of communication open with her - no matter how scary or uncomfortable the subject, is such a key...Use your learnings from your recovery - be her mother and her friend in kind, loving, and non-judgemental ways....  

One of the best pieces of advice that my wise old sponsor gave to me, was for me to "own your relationship with your children", but don't try to own/influence your A's influence with your children.  Even at 14 - your daughter's #1 concern is that she is loved and safe....

Take care

Tom



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Pushka


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Hugs BF,

Sending you love and support, hugs P :)

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Debilyn


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I remember feeling like she does. It's very scarey being a teenager. Sounds like she is an over acheiver too possibly?

Does she need more just you and her attention? Even just going for a walk? I know I felt better just doing the dishes with my mother. I felt so safe.

Other teen girls seemed so together, so part of it all.I felt so out of it and weird. lol But come to find out they all felt like that.

Divorce and being alone with mom is hard. I was there too. I remember being scared. Is she going to lose your dog too? I know for me, I could not take anymore loss. that is me though.

You are a good mom and a good person. I would HATE to be a teen these days. They just don't have the morals or manners back when I was one. I walked the halls working in the schools and hated hearing the profanity, the brutality the lack of any respect. ugh.

I remember thinking of cutting. Its like ya feel so much emotional pain, the cutting brings endorphins that help it. strange I know.

I wonder where the emotional abuse is coming from she is feeling?

Well pm me anytime hon. love you's, debilyn



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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> My 14 year old proved not perfect finally and I am shocked!