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Hello, I'm a newbie here and new to Al-Anon. I am a recovering alcholic, 3 1/2 years sober. I attended AA to get sober. I'm married, 7 years and husband is an alcholic. I know only they can decide if they are an alcoholic but he shows all the signs of alcoholism. He's made it clear to me a couple of times that he's not going to stop drinking. I've only addressed this topic maybe twice with him.
I stopped smoking one month ago today, my 2nd quit, last quit was 5 months. I plan to make this one stick. I'm using quitnet.com support network which is awesome if anyone is trying to stop.
My environment since I quit drinking has been uncomfortable anymore, I just don't know where I fit in. These feelings are getting worse now with my smoking quit. I'm tired of watching him smoke and drink all day. I'm tired, so tired of running to buy him beer and smokes when he asks. He starts to drink then can't drive and ask me. I've told him atleast 20 times and put my foot down on the beer of course I'm sure you know when they are drunk they throw a fit and start a fight and start saying stuff like they will just drive to get it. The environment is just not healthy for me anymore. He's ruined special occasions with his drinking. Arrested twice because of stuff he's done while drinking, he is not physically abusive yet but ofcourse a lot of times will start fights and very short tempered and mean to my teenage son who has ADHD, his step son. Kicked in doors, pinned him up against the wall. Broken playstations.
This is already long but I get depressed and sometimes just sit in my car and cry after I leave the house because I'm getting so tired of the drinking. We have a 6 year old daughter together, I also play the guilt head games of thinking it's my fault that he drinks but I know as a recovering alcoholic, only he makes himself drink. I just don't know what to do anymore.
Hugs, Joella. Sounds like you have the tools but I know it's still hard. Do you need some healthy activities to replace the smoking (drinking)? Don't let him drag you into his problem. I'd say Focus on yourself and your kids and do positive, healthy things with them. If you no longer fit in with the drinking/smoking lifestype, find a good healthy place you do fit in. AA and Alanon are parts of that but outings, exercise, bike rides, hikes, trips to the zoo or library, visits with friends and family, etc. with the kids can be part of that, too.
There is a great book called Getting Them Sober, Toby Rice Drew (maybe Toby Drew Rice .. lol .. I flip things). It kind of sounds like going to an alanon meeting would benefit you greatly. It sure wouldn't hurt. There is a difference between dealing with addiction and then being on the opposite side of that coin as a loved one. It sounds like you are going through a lot at the moment and need some additional support.
Keep coming back because you are worth it and as you know the program works when you work it. I'm going out on a ledge and going to say have you talked to your AA sponsor about what is going on?? If not I would encourage you to do so.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Aloha Joella - thank you so much for sharing with us.
I would encourage you to drop by some Al-Anon meetings. We all know what it's like to live with an alcoholic. There are many dual members in Al-Anon, as well - meaning AA members who attend Al-Anon. It's a different take on the twelve steps where we get to start learning how to look to ourselves and our HP for our serenity, allowing situations outside of ourselves to be handled by those responsible and not us.
When I got into the program, found a sponsor and started working the steps, the answers to my own hard questions about my relationship with the A that was in my life eventually came.
I appreciate all the help. I currently don't have a sponsor, I haven't attended AA in a lil over a year. I am trying to decide if the Al-anon or AA meetings would help me more but I need to start going to one of them. Emotionally and mentally, I can feel I am weaker and I worry about my way of thinking leading to a relapse. I'm not saying I want to drink but I'm an emotional basket case, I watched my self pace the floor a couple of mornings ago for an hour or so. Can you buy that book on Amazon? or Hastings? I'm going to look into that book.
You can find that book, at the local library, amazon just type in a search.
I'm not going to should you .. I would encourage you to attend a local AA meeting only if nothing else to give yourself some needed grounding .. a relapse happens long before the first drink. There is an AA board right here, go and check it out you might find this brings you some peace. There are many people here who do both AA and Alanon.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
