HELP, living with an alcoholic - Al-Anon Family Group

chrissyw1207 · Member

HELP, living with an alcoholic

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

He sounds like my exAH when he was dry for a year and without A.A. or any recovery tools. I am glad you found us at MIP and I hope you can make it to some Al-anon face to face meetings in your area. The number is under my name here. I learned so much about myself and the disease of alcoholism in the meetings, here and with my sponsor. I am sending you love and support on your journey!

chrissyw1207 · Member

Do the meetings really help? I mean are they going to tell me to break up with him?

I guess I am sick of being blamed and my son is too for things that we say that are not out of line.

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

Sounds so very familiar. Although, my AH just relapsed this weekend but I heard the same things from him, too. I should have called him in for the DUI, too, but they got him anyway without any interference from me.

No, the meetings won't tell you to break up with him. Actually, I've found quite the opposite. Honestly, my good homeschooling Christian mom friends are the ones telling me to separate. My Al Anon friends keep holding my hands and telling me to keep praying and that I will know eventually what I really want to do. I think meetings would be a great thing for you to do for yourself. And, if the first meeting doesn't seem like your kind of place then try another.

My AH takes antidepressants which don't help with the mood thing because he takes them on and off, basically he's completely inconsistent and moody. He's going to jail this weekend for his DUI and I'm not even sure this will wake him up. He went through a few 6 packs this weekend while I was gone and I'm at my wit's end.

Smukke · Veteran Member

Hey Chrissy,

Your story sounds so similar to mine, too. I am in Al-Anon since two months and can already say that it makes a difference in how I think and feel. I am more patient and less helpless somehow. It is the concept of Al-anon to avoid telling people what to do. You would tell your story from your heart, then it is the next one's turn.

Wish you all the best :)

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

No one should tell you what to do in your meetings, they should just give you love and support while helping you decide what the best decisions are for you. My meetings have people for me to relate with and understand the things I have dealt with unlike most people outside of the meetings. I hope you will give some a try and see for yourself. A great book too "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews. Sending you love and support.

chrissyw1207 · Member

TY all for being so helpful. I have to find a meeting in this area. I live in Vermont. Do they have any meetings for pre-teens? My son is not my BF's child but he is effected by the entire living situation and wants me to kick him out. UGH my life is a mess.

sookie · Senior Member

Your some should be able to find an Al-Ateen meeting. For me,when I was at my worst in my marriage to my AH I went to lots and lots of meetings. It was a relief just to sit and listen to other people who were dealing with the same things as me or people who had come out the other side and were actually *HAPPY* (something I had lost a LONG time before crawling into my first meeting). I thought all those awful, terrifying experiences only happened in my home--come to find out, I was living the text-book alcoholic homelife!! And people were healing!

People will definitely not TEL you to do anything, but they will help you find the tools that work for you to deal with your situation so that you can get a clear, peaceful state of mind to make the right choices for yourself. It works if you work it and you're worth it...!!

chrissyw1207 · Member

I love all of this advice now if I just knew where to find local meetings

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

hi sweetie, at the bottom of my share here is a site to go to and a number to help you find meetings in your area!

I am so glad you are wanting to go. Ask about Ala Teen for your son.

Hoping you will cont. to come back here also. We are always here to support you and listen. Even if you just want/need to vent.

Al Anon teaches us skills on how to deal with the A or addict in our life. It also helps us to be stronger by taking care of our selves. It is not about the A, its' about YOU.

Hope to see ya again, debilyn

chrissyw1207 · Member

So let me ask you all this, is Alanon religion based like AA? I am catholic, but I am not a practicing one.

I am not one for preaching about religion or one to sit there and listen to people tell me God will make it all better.

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Alanon and AA are not a religion. It does talk spirituality of a God of our own understanding, something bigger than us. No one is going to tell you "God" will make it all better. No one is going to tell you to leave. There are situations though I have to learn to let go of and let the universe take care of them because I am powerless over alcohol and my life has become unmanageable. That is step one, paraphrased. To me that translates to I am powerless over other people, places, things and the past.

The best you can do is go to a meeting, keep an open mind, if you are truly sick and tired of being sick and tired .. what is it going to hurt? If nothing changes .. trust me nothing is going to change and you will continue to get what you are getting right this second. This isn't about changing another person it's about changing ourselves and how we look at our own situations.

There is an old saying if you are dissatisfied with the results you can get a complete refund of your misery at the door as you leave.

Keep coming back, hugs P :)

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.