The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
over the process and am powerless over the outcome.
Aloha all. Been doing lots of face to face work with my higher power with alot more listening (with an open mind) and memory work on the process. The program is mine to work...that's the process...my responsiblility and choice on how I do it. I committed myself to my recovery years ago and accepted the process of progress. When I stopped or messed with the process the consequences were ugly, messy and sick feeling. When I got back to Trust God, Clean House and help others than life went back into sync and serenity.
I've been off sync for a while (since November) and many of you know why and I resorted to my old program/process of anger, self righteousness, resentments and justifying in my head. God melatonin doesn't help me sleep while that is going on. So I went back to steady face to face meetings with my HP and remembering what I was led to a while back and why and clarity started to happen; the fog cleared and I could see what was always there yet blocked out with lack of faith and trying to exert my self will and power. I am to do more of my self work and worth using my own talents and skills and continuing to trust during it all. I am to look beyond or away of how I want it to come out and turn that over with acceptance of however it comes to pass. My process is to be fair, honest and just and with unconditional love. It was reaffirmed to me that my Higher Power has been messaging me all the while so I need to let go of my concern on how things will take place while this is happening. "Turn it over" is one of our slogans. Last night I turned it all over and began my work on process. It isn't and won't be a perfect process. It will be progress over what I have been and have not been doing up till now.
The program works when I work it so I'm suiting up and showing up for work. I am grateful for you all and your ESH because without it I'd probably be the king or president and we'd all be in a handbasket in a very very hot place. (((((hugs)))))
Thanks for sharing Jerry. I'm noticing...when I let my program and relationship with my HP slip...I slip. I am so relieved it's not a perfect process as I ride the ebbs and flows.
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Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us. -from Pema Chödron's When Things Fall Apart
I am so grateful you are here and you share your ESH with me. It has gotten me through such dark times in the past few weeks. I often refer back to our chats because it reminds me how far I have to go and it is a process of up's and down's and that's ok. I'm so glad to share this journey with you my friend.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
This post brings me back to the fear of my divorce and the whole court thing. My sponsor always told me my job was to just suit up, show up, and leave the outcome to God. Step three was my mantra, and trusting that the outcome would indeed be God's perfect "care" for me. (of course, it didn't always feel like it, methinks God could've done better sometimes, lol)
Kidding aside, I was (and sometimes still can be) completely CONSUMED by fear, which completely destroys any connection to HP and this pristine, present moment. When I am consumed, I am not only trying to play god, I am totally not relying on God, I am just living in the problem again - my head. As you've always taught me Jerry, I have to work this thing 24/7, life keeps happening, each day a new opportunity to wake up and do it all over again. Each day an opportunity to keep doing the things that are working well or else... my head is going to do what my head is going to do. Your post reminds me that I cannot let up on this spiritual program and rest on my laurels ((hugs))
For whatever reason, I have to pass this along from Lois. She said, "I used to believe THINKING was the highest function of human beings... I now realize LOVING is our supreme function."
I just want to say, you got that down, my friend. The perfect you is the love within you. Our work is to allow HP to remove the fearful thinking that surrounds the perfect self. You have always been a perfect friend to me, always a light for my recovery and for that, I am eternally grateful. The light in me honors the light in you, Jerry ((((hugs))))
-- Edited by glad lee on Monday 21st of May 2012 10:32:52 PM
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Glad you're back on track and feeling better. I really struggle with my will/hp's will at times. I can get too busy for my higher power. Then, I find myself going to unsafe places. My thinking and actions are then unesteemable and unguided by my higher power. It can be so hard to stay present during those times and focused on keeping it simple. Ego, ugh! Thanks for the reminders. Nice to hear your awareness and progress! TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Thanks for the reminders. Handing it over to HP is the only sane choice to make, isn't it. We surely don't have the big picture. Allowing guidance to come in and take the lead - that's sane living
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
I can definitely relate to the self righteousness, resentment and more. I know in some ways those are signs that I am "off" whereas before it was a way of life I felt good about.
Needless to say when I started working a program those whose way of live was self righteous took issue with me.
Thanks for reminding me its a one day at a time thing.
Thanks for the reminders. Nice to hear your awareness and progress! TT