speechless - Al-Anon Family Group

liljeannie · Senior Member

speechless

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

I am so so sorry to hear this. This sounds like a terrible miscarriage of justice. We know that things like this happen but it is horrible to experience it.

I don't mean to dismiss the horribleness of not seeing him convicted in a court of law. But I just want to add in some things from a larger picture. I too get frustrated and upset at how my ex-AH "gets away" with all kinds of things. Fortunately he is not violent. But he "gets away" with all the stuff that addicts get away with -- the irresponsibility, shenanigans, causing pain, letting down his child, etc. etc. etc.

The thing is, though, that their lives are their own punishment. Is there any one of us who would change places with any of them? Their real home is a bar or some back room or a basement or a pigsty of an apartment where they do their drinking. Their friends are friends only as long as the drink flows and the thinking is insane. Their healthy friends and family keep themselves at a safe distance. Their children lose all respect. They spread pain wherever they go. They squander their talents. Their whole day is oriented to "When can I get the next drink? When can I get the next hit?" They think they have to control everyone they know by manipulation or violence. They're miserable in their own skin. They're moody, anxious, and miserable unless they're drunk, and when they're drunk the best they are is numb. If you tried to condemn a prisoner to that, the Constitution would decree that it was too "cruel and unusual." It's not just being in a prison cell, it's having your whole life be the prison cell. And the key is there in the door and they think, "That isn't a key, I'll just ignore that." Because that's how insane they are.

So the way I see it, their punishment is pretty intense, and it doesn't have to be imposed from outside. This is not to say that the law should not have done what's right.

Would a domestic violence shelter near you have a support group? This whole development is a double whammy and you shouldn't have to go through this without the support of people who understand. Hugs.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Jeannie, what is important was YOU followed through. We cannot control the outcome.

You I would invite to be proud for being couragious enough to take him to court! Keep your head up. You did not lose he did. He should be ashamed of himself. BUT we cannot control that.

Are you in a womens abuse support group?

HEY what in the world, you have nothing to feel guilty about so stop it!!! He is the one who was abusive, he is the one who hurt you. The jury and court are the ones who should be ashamed.

This is where that negative talk needs to change. We can change that honey. Really please focus on the courage you had in making him go to court.

I am proud of you. Everyone knows the courts, the politicians all of it are all crooked and have their own agenda. Who knows what agenda these idiots had. Prison is too full? heck with them.

What matters is you. please I invite you to put your head up, smile, feel strong becuz you did your part. We cannot control anyone else.

hugging you, and to heck with him. love,debilyn and of course I remember you! (c:

nmike · ~*Service Worker*~

That is unfair but may be the norm for our society. In Alanon they teach us to accept what is. Say the serenity prayer and change what you can.

Nancy

liljeannie · Senior Member

I appreciate all your words of support. Though the physical wounds have long since healed, I am still having a lot of emotions...a rollercoaster of them. I have been trying to convince myself that all of those jurors heard me, heard him, and that they believed ME, but that there was some loophole somewhere that gave them that "reasonable doubt". I didn't think I could carry this through, but I did. I WAS heard...and maybe, just maybe, as people have been saying, I have made a difference to someone who may also be in my situation. My biggest mistake was allowing him once last chance. I will NEVER make that mistake again!

seeking peace,
jeannie

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs Jeannie,

Sending you tremendous love and support, what you did was brave and it IS hard. YOU did it and you should feel good you saw it through regardless of the outcome. You did what was right in your heart.

I hope you are finding support for the scars that we can't see, those emotional things. I also hope you are far far far away from this situation and finding peace, happiness, joy and serenity.

Hugs P :)

rara avis · Senior Member

Hey Jeannie,

What you did took tremendous courage and I know a lot of mental energy. So sorry for the completely unfair outcome. That must be such a disappointment.

Sometimes it seems like who believes or disbelieves the danger in situations like these is a crapshoot. For what it's worth, I recently went to a police station for an emergency protection order, and the cop on duty kept mentioning how he was going on his weekend in 1/2 hour. On the phone he joked to somebody, " Maybe I should tell her to come back tomorrow, hahahahaha! " I also had some neighbors literally turn away and say, " I don't want to get involved " after telling me they'd witnessed my ex RA breaking the stay away order. Reactions like these made me feel crazy, like maybe I was making it all up, or they think I'm hysterical, etc...basically I've felt exactly how you've described.

Do you feel safe now? Like other people said, if you don't I'm sure some local domestic violence programs could have some advice. Friends and this board, too. There are people out there who believe you and will support you, I guess we just can't control where those people will always be. I hope the memory of this time fades in the background and you can move forward in peace.

Blessings,
rara avis

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