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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> I need to vent
Post Info TOPIC: I need to vent
nyc018


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I need to vent
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I had a pretty bad reaction to something AH said yesterday. Some background - he is almost 9 months sober, working a decent AA program (from what I can tell), and has a good sponsor. We're separated but he sees me and our son on weekends. I'm trying to be supportive in an arms-length way, but I am still faced with the fact that he is still in very early sobriety and will always be an alcoholic with all the issues that go along with it. Yesterday he said he is worried about reaching a year b/c he views milestones such as these as a reason to "reward" himself (eg., drinking). This made me cringe. I almost feel I need to tell him not to discuss things of this nature (eg., the thought of ever drinking again) with me and to leave these things to talks with his sponsor. I was this close to telling him the only reward he'll get if he does it is being permanently cut off from me and his son.

 Meanwhile my sister gave me a beating about divorcing him this morning and that as long as I even stay married and provide him with health insurance (he lost his job last year as a result of his drinking) I am enabling. I really fear that if I don't divorce him my family will cut me off for good.

My weekend is not getting off to a good start.

 



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glad lee


~*Service Worker*~

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Good vent, and good on you for bringing it here.

Your post reminded me of a story in the BB I read last night, about how the author did the same thing, he was a chronic relapser until he ended up in prison where Higher power finally reached him. It's an amazing story and I was so inspired, it's titled Safe Haven.

You could look at what your husband said as an intimate sharing, he may have trusted you, who knows. He spoke his truth and I don't know about you, but I don't want to hide from the truth. You spoke your truth too, all very good. (Keep in mind, we can state our boundaries. But we can't have the expectation that they won't be trampled on. Either way, it will all be good if you are prepared to move on. For me, I had to grow spiritually before I could do that. I had to get very active in recovery.

I take it, your sister is not in recovery. It was always best for me to stick with the fellowship who is working - as I am - to follow Higher power's will. It's EASY to lash out in anger, that's what I always did in the past. But that had consequences too, I was crawling on my knees when I came into the al-anon rooms. In my experience, Higher power doesn't care so much about finances, it's not about money or career, rather invites us to come closer spiritually, it's more about spirit and soul growth. The fellowship knows this.

If you worry about him relapsing, turn it around. Watch out for your OWN relapse. Protect yourself by staying spiritually fit, plan on more meetings, contact your sponsor daily, and pray often. That's how it works for me, take what you like, my friend.


(((hugs)))

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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Debilyn


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ok now, if your family loves you, they are not going to cut you off no matter what you do.

If my family tried to control me I would be walking away from THEM!

You are an adult. Divorce is so painful no matter what.

Maybe a simple thing would be to stand on our integrity, say I am an adult, I make my own decisions.

A has a serious disease, and needs health insurance. Its my choice. period.

I have said before I didn't grow up this way and my friends are not like that either. I could never relate to anyone trying to make me do anything or me tell someone they should do something.

I think it is a very nice thing of you to do, to keep him on the insurance, as long as it is not a detriment to you or kiddo.

hey I did tell my Ah his disease was his business and I didn't want to talk about it. I mean in a loving way.

hugs,debilyn



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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Pushka


~*Service Worker*~

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Hugs NYC,

Sending you lots of love and support, keep in mind that you are no longer doing what your family expects you to do. It's kind of like emotional terrorism of sorts .. change back and change back now! They might cut you off for a short time to see if you mean what you say .. keep the focus on you and your own program things have a way of working themselves out. I find it so hard to believe they are going to cut you off long term .. you know your situation best and what is real and what is fear based.

You have a great support program through your sponsor and through the fellowship of alanon .. do the next right thing and just keep coming back.

Hugs P :)



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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
pineapple


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(((nyc018))) It sounds like you did well in an awkward situation. Keep on taking care of you. And vent away, that's what we're here for. I hope the rest of your weekend goes better for you.

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