Not nice people and how to deal with them? - Al-Anon Family Group

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Not nice people and how to deal with them?

katfshh · Senior Member

About 12 ladies from my job are going on a cruise in Sept. We are in the middle of booking it. Everyone is welcome to go, but there is one woman that is just a nasty, angry, not nice person. I've always been nice to her, but honestly have no desire to share a room with her on a vacation. She is controlling and just has such a bossy, unkind aura about her. So, I got a nasty text message from her today, because I booked with two other girls that are nice and fun to be around. I never ever told her that I would share a room with her, she tapped me on the shoulder one day at work when the girls were starting to make arrangements and she said, 'I'll take a top bunk." I just smiled. One of the other girls that I am rooming with did wind up sending her a text about two weeks ago, asking her if she was going and her answer was, "What cruise?" So, we both jut left it at that. Today I booked with the two girls that I feel are a good combination, no drama etc. And then miss-not-so-nice sent me a nasty message about the fact that I found another roomie.

So, being truthful to myself and not being a mean person to others. What is the best way that you have found to be honest, however not hurtful to someone that just isn't the kind of person that anyone wants to spend a vacation with? cry

MyBrokenHeart · Member

Usually someone who is controlling acts that way because they're insecure about something. Try going out of your way to be friendly towards, but not subservient to, her.

You cannot change a person whose mean like that. You simply have to stand your ground, and be polite, but honest. And when you get a chance, maybe it would help if you just talked to her about her personal interests. At best it will maybe make her a nicer person. At worse, you can feel comfortable with standing up for yourself without being mean to her.

GailMichelle · ~*Service Worker*~

You can't control how another person will interrupt your actions. From what you describe, your intention was to not hurt her. You seem to be taking care of yourself. It is perfectly understandable why you choose to bunk with others. I hope you enjoy your trip!

Dolly Llama · Senior Member

Not nice people...ugh...I try to just get out of their orbit as fast as possible in the situation.

And remind myself, what they say is not personal. Some people will find offense in anything because that's what they are looking for. There aren't magic words to *not* hurt them...my mother is like this. I could say I like her haircut and she would ask what was wrong with her old one, burst into tears, and run from the room. Well, I'm exaggerating, but you get my point!

Now after an interaction with a meanie, I try to send them some light and love, say a little prayer, and press on with my day.

katfshh · Senior Member

Thank you. I appreciate all of you taking time to give me your thoughts. I tend to feel very guilty in situations like this. I am trying to respond appropriately, and keep true to myself at the same time. xxoo

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I have the perfect solution!! Take ME and I will speak to her for you! (c:

She made the assumption somehow she was rooming with you. That is NOT your problem.

You can simply say I am sorry if there was any miscommunication, but I had planned to room with ........

done. Believe me people like that know who and what they are. Its sad though.

For me I had a secretary in a school most everyone did not like. I made it a point to go in and sit and ask how she was, ask about her kid etc. She did warm up some. Then my daughter was in a car accident and she was the one who told me. She was WONDERFUL!

I guess what I am saying you are a nice person. I would just be nice around her, good morning, hi, can I help or whatever, act like nothing has happened. She may need someone to just be ok with her.

You have a wonderful time. BTW no one could pay me enough to go on some huge metal thing in the ocean. NO way. lol lol I just cannot be out of control like that. And besides I hear the food is soooo good, so I would have to be rolled off the ship! hugs! debilyn

Dolly Llama · Senior Member

See, I would be sorely tempted to say something like- to be honest, I don't care for your negativity and would have a better time rooming with so-and-so.

Why worry about alienating a mean person? I sort of don't mind it. But that's just me. :)

katfshh · Senior Member

Ha Ha! =) I love going on a cruise ship. It's kind of strange at first, but it's just peaceful out on the ocean. I love the ocean. Plus the food is awesome, but you're right I am sure we will eat way too much!

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