The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It is worth getting healthy for your OWN self. At first, I struggled with the lack of drama and the weirdness of taking care of myself. It seriously felt...wrong. I had a lot of anxiety.
But I kept on truckin' and reading/posting here, going to meetings, talking to my HP, and little by little my anxiety faded. Life is SO good now and I deserve that, and so do YOU! When I have a fear or irrational thought ("I can't"..."what if"...), I combat it with positive self-talk. For an example, I've started running for exercise and it is tough! One of my military tests will be a 5 mile run at a fast pace. Yesterday as I was struggling on a run and thought about this upcoming test, I thought- there's no way I'll be able to do that many miles...I will pass out! But my next thought was- yes you can do it! Work hard, put in the effort, take care of your body, and you WILL indeed be able to run 5 miles soon.
Negative thoughts are like poison to our spirits...they are infectious and will grow and take over if you do not stomp them.
Also, maybe this will help, maybe not...but the Red Cross sometimes offers emergency dental treatments if you qualify. They will pull teeth for free or very low cost.
You are ALIVE, FREE, and beautiful. Believe it.
-- Edited by Dolly Llama on Thursday 10th of May 2012 10:04:23 AM
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Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us. -from Pema Chödron's When Things Fall Apart
with my a/d b/f out of my life and now im all alone agin, makes it hard to except everything around me as far as allthe good ,positive,focusing on me,for im such a sick codependent,that im haveing these feelings of guilt like i dont deserve for life to be soo good to me ,im running myself to death trying to do for others ,like i went through lots of red tape to get my mom whom lives in the nurseing home her electric wheel chair fixxed and i did it ,and getting my son to a dentist thats goes by a pay scale to get his wisdom tooth pulled that was giveing him so much pain thats done,whew i find life to be really busy trying to do for others but im scared for it to slow down thinking ill take the wrong turn or do something stupid like contact my ex a/d b/f ,,,that would be like takeing a backward flip in my life but ive been guilty of doing just that before ,im trying to go forward with my life now for the positives and to have healthy freinds in my life,it would be gr8t to have someone special to share my life with but i dont see that happening ,im 48 y/o and lifes even getting shorter,im back in my church now,and doing healthy things for me,but scared of really sitting down and focusing on just me and my needs or wants its scary,ive got to get myself to that healthy point so that ill be the right person for that special someone if he was to ever come into my life but i dunno.all i can do is stick to what im doing and keep a posting here and attendeing all the meetings alanon has to offer.no ftf meetings here,soo sad but true.i need more alanon tools for sure,i use the serinty prayer alot and take it easy and live in today,and is it important.and keeping the focus on me,anymore im open for more???why am i soo scared of myself and feeling so undeserving of any blessings or any thing thats good for me like im feeling selfish,ugh...hugs and more hugs......silent
You know writing out a gratitude list from A - Z works wonders for me. All of the blessings in my life remind me that I deserve the good that comes into my life the big and the small.
Doing some self love though is big, getting in the mirror and saying I am worth while, I am lovable, I am the best person I can be .. it can feel silly to do those kinds of affirmations at first they work wonders though. It's really important to know you are valuable regardless of what the tapes in our heads play.
Hugs, .. keep coming back, P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Good to hear from you Pushka had a great suggestion. Writing out an asset and gratitude list each day truly helped me to focus on myself, accept my good points, be grateful for what I had and in time I began to feel grateful and at peace. Other tools that worked for me was posting her, reading al anon literature and if you cannot get to meetings go to the step work board and read about the steps It helps.
Keep on taking care of yourself and your responsibilities it is great that you helped your mom and son A truly compassionate action
I have been trying to get to know me AFTER my relationship ended 3 months ago it was painful to sit but there were lots of positives my life has become more manageable as I focus on my stuff. I have rebuilt my relationships with family and friends and have started to have fun again.
If I was lonely I would pick up the phone or go to a meeting. As you mentioned it is not just the abf that I used to run around after I really have to focus on building a good loving relationship with myself.
My ABF is back in recovery now and wants to get back together but I am focusing on me and do not want to loose me again.
As for being to old for a new relationship its more about being healthy than age. My ex mother in law started a new relationship at nearly 70 you are never to old to find love. But just for today I am learning to love me and my HP.
You know I find it hard to look at things like calling myself "sick" these days. Certainly I need help but being "sick" isn't one of them. I had to change the moniker to recovering.
Certainly I had lots of issues with being dependent in a relationship, feeling abandoned and people pleasing. All those issues don't evaporate overnight. I did work on them and they got better. Now if people don't like me (like at the store I work at) it washes right over me especially if it isn't warranted.
Some of us are in such a hurry to get better fast because we are in so much pain. Some things improve gradually. My people pleasing got better when I got boundaries in. My self nuturing got better when I had time to do it.
I found the gratitude list pretty difficult I must say even though I do one every day. I didn't feel like I had much to be grateful for for such a long time and felt resentment at every turn. Sometimes my resentment is a good indicator that I'm over my boundary so they are sometimes a good rudder. Other times they just an opportunity to let go.
I did for others till my health went, my finances went and I was a total zombie. I have had to learn really hard to pull back. I found "Getting them Sober" such a good guide for what's necessary and what isn't. These days plenty of needs are still unmet but it isn't like they are a baseball bat over my head.
I am glad you keep coming back and posting. You have received great ESH and I felt lonely too at first, but I joined my local Al-anon group and now we are like family. I can call them anytime and they get it and help me to feel understood and loved like no one else can, especially my sponsor. I have just finished my step work with her and now onto the traditions. I have grown and learned so much. MIPers are also like family to me and I hope you can dive into your recovery and take care of yourself. The books "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews, "Codependent No More" and "The Language of Letting Go" both by Melody Beattie were very helpful for me and I still go back and read in them occassionaly and they are still helpful. I am sending you love and support on your journey!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
