The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been meditating alot lately. I love it. I start out stressed, but I shut up and listen. I slowly relax, my fingers tingle, my body becomes light as a feather.. and there in my silence, I am healed.
I was screaming, yesterday, in my head yesterday, while deep in meditation:
"Why does life have to be so hard? Why is it so hard? I want off this Earth. I want out of here. Whatever I was doing here I want it to just end. I want my soul to be free. Why?Why? Why does it have to be so so so hard!!!?"
and then...
This idea knocked on my head. I mean it hit me across the head. Call it my higher self, my mind, subconcious, or HP. I don't know. I just know I would not have come up with this on my own, in a regular state. The thought that pounded on my skull was:
"ITS THIS HARD BECAUSE YOU'RE MAKING IT THIS HARD!!!"
And its true. When I am in the worst state of mind its because I am putting myself there. I am worrying, I am living in tomorrow, one month, ten years, twenty years down the road, I am attached to what others are doing; my happiness depending on their choices. I am thinking of all the negative while walking right past a rose bush and not even noticing!
Sometimes I need those reminders. That deep intuitive voice saying.. "Stop it! Its not that bad! Stop complaining and make the best of your day!" I am so grateful to have a program that has led me to other recreational activities, including deep meditation. I owe everything that is changing and becoming good and full in my life to the moments when everything fell apart. My HP heard my cries for faith, for purpose, for worth. It did not come as I expected. It did not come easily or quickly. But slowly, one day at a time I become closer and closer to the person I am striving to become, the person I never even realized I wanted to be until I already started becoming her. I thought faith was a myth. I thought meditation was just deep relaxation. Now I see what I had been missing. I am just so grateful I found it. I found a life of sanity and hope and health and happiness. I am in awe of my HP.
Thanks for reading my thoughts.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Great post! On Saturday night the sermon was on getting pruned in order to be more fruitful! I love that your post reminded me of it. Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Michelle!! your post gives me goosebumps, that's exactly how it is for me, I even had the same meditation with the same answer, and realized my thoughts, my disease is what makes it "hard." My disease wants me to crawl into a deep dark hole, wants me to fail, no light, no goodness, just wants me to die. And it almost got me! So I REALLY have to watch my negative thoughts, I have to stay spiritually fit.
I also experience the emptying of self when I meditate so that I can be open to Higher power," being" something I could never "be" on my own. Never. It's not about brain power, is it? lol, just the opposite, I gotta stop my brain.....
I am sooooo glad to be trudging the road to happy destiny with you!! (((big hugs)))
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Some times life is a real upward struggle for me. There are other times when I can put a bit of levity in there.
Of course there are always other people whose life is much much harder than mine but there are times when I think I'm maxed out here.
I do agree positive thinking helps. I do know for me leaving the ex A and embarking on this journey alone is not something I ever contemplated or wanted. I really bought into the idea of being a couple and having a relationship that sustained me rather than nearly destroyed me.
