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Well my AH fell off the wagon , and as usual flew into a rage. I told him I couldn't be witness to this again and I drove off. I had my emergency bag at the office and the day has come for me to use it. Please pray for my dog, I had to leave that moment and can't take her to a hotel. She is all I am worried about right now as I drive around looking for somewhere to go. I don't know what tomorrow brings but this is the first time I have meant what I said and left. Just felt like I needed to tell someone and the only people I can tell are my friends here.
Hugs. And sending you good wishes to find a good place for your dog soon too. Sometimes domestic violence shelters take pets, and sometimes animal shelters take pets for domestic-violence escapees. I don't know if your situation is like this or if you just need a new place to move with your dog. Either way, sending you much support. Do you have a meeting? Take very good care of yourself!
I am thinking of you so much tonight. I hope you can update soon. Sending a ton of love and support. Do you have a sponsor??
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I don't have a sponsor but I need to get back to f2f meetings. I have checked into a hotel, can't sleep, my ah has tried everything he can think of to get me back to the house including threatening to kill himself and our dog. I am sick about it, I know he is just trying to manipulate me to come home, I have never left before. Had to step off the crazy train this time, I can only pray I did not cause my sweet dog harm, she is really the only friend I have had for 10 years of this madness and I don't kNow if I will be able to forgive myself if something happens to her. I dint gave any idea what will happen tomorrow, I have to go home at some point. He has finally stopped calling and I am left wondering if he has finally done what he theaters so much and killed himself. I know they manipulate to keep us in line but, I never thought it would go this far.
Praying for your safe passage and a circle of protection over your dog.
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Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us. -from Pema Chödron's When Things Fall Apart
Aloha Surf...Temple and Dolly turned the lights on over the help you can get quickly...Threatening self harm and pet harm gets the police to the property. Under the conditions I say its a must call. I've worked as a mens' case manager in Alternatives to Violence and this is a definite trigger to call 911. Take it seriously. Come back and tell us later. ((((hugs))))
It is morning, I slept a little last night. Am back at work, my AH finally stopped calling last night. I did not call the police, I simply didn't have it in me. He has been threatening to kill himself for years, and quite frankly, I just couldn't take any more drama last night. I need to remove myself from it, if he kills himself - well I don't know what, but I know I can't watch him 24/7 to stop it and if he really wants to he will. That may sound cold but I have been down this road too many times. I thought his new therapist was helping, I checked his cell phone bill this morning and lo and behold he started communicating with that woman again yesterday, and surprise surprise he fell off the wagon and blew up. She lives in Colorado so I know its not a physical affair but it's something, this woman has been trying to get him to leave me for years, she thinks he is some prize, if she only knew. So now I think I understand how yesterday morning everything was great and by yesterday afternoon everything had gone off the rails. Oh yea, I got a phone call yesterday during the midst of this from a neighbor saying my husband tore out of our driveway at about 100mph and screeched his tires down the street. They have small children and called to tell me they don't appreciate him behaving in a way that might injure one of their kids. I was dumbstruck as usual, tired of being embarassed by him, tired of living with a man-child. I am worried I will go home today and find a body, I don't know how I feel about it, numb to be honest.
I just want to send you some big big big hugs I am soooo sorry you are going through this right now. All I can tell you is that it really does get better. We can't save them. I'm glad you got some sleep it's better than none. I really really really hope you will get a sponsor it makes all of the difference in the world. Can I tell you when I talk to mine we are on the phone for a good part of the night at times. It really really really does get better it takes time, effort on our own parts and just simple belief that as bad as things seem now .. this too shall pass.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Sending you big hugs and support, lots of personal power and protection...
I understand what you mean about not wanting the drama...as for your dog I am sure there are ways to get him back and places to stay with him...perhaps a shelter or spca or local animal rescue org. might have information and ideas? All I know is my pooch sure has pulled me through the tough times!!! In my case I told myself, to heck with the dramatic ex RA :P ....it's time for him to take care of himself. With the dog it is at least a very positive and mutually beneficial relationship!
Truly wishing you the best. You will get through this! rar avis
I understand how you feel. Praying for you to have the positive energy to move forward for yourself. Hope you can get to a meeting. Best wishes for Peace (hugs).
