The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am proud of my week. On several occasions when I had some clients who were very upset I sat quietly with them, talked minimally, expressed love through words and gesture, and prayed. Of course, I don't tell them I'm praying since we are not allowed to talk about prayer where I work. But I did pray. I prayed for peace and hope and for my HP to fill the space between and around us with presence. And believe it or not, almost every time, the child calmed.
Children loved me this week. I think it is because I asked my HP to just fill me up with Love. I was all smiles, I was kind, I was fun, I was loving. I am proud of the person I was this week. I used to take so much personal; adults with attitudes, children having temper tantrums or hitting me. Now I see, everyone is just fighting their own battle. Its not about me. Most of these lost souls don't even know they are fighting a battle, its internal. My job this week was not to save anyone but to be an instrument for my HP to help. I don't have a cure all solution to the world's problems.. but I can be part of my HP's solution rather than part of the problem.. its cliche, but its true.
When I feel close and alright with my HP everything else seems to fall nicely into place. I feel satisfied and so much less fearful; less fearful of relapse, less fearful of the future, less fearful of death (which used to be my biggest fear.) Everything I feel can be categorized as stemming from one place and that is having faith. When life does not go the way I expected or wanted I can accept it now. I have been through very challenging times and I got through them, in the beginning, without any faith at all, and it slowly became a necessity for my sanity. Faith was hard for me at first. I would believe then say but but what about this scientific fact and this animalistic human quality and I would have myself agnostic again. Every time though, every single time that I prayed for help, just for help.. I got help. I can't write that off anymore. When I let go of the burdens my HP gladly handles them for me. I prayed to be less judgemental I got it. I prayed for some sort of group to be a part in to pray with, I got it. Maybe that's the promise, that we are always loved and always provided for.. what we need, not what we want.
But here I am now and every day is an oppurtunity to be stronger, healthier, happier, but most importantly, ever day I get here on this great, big Earth, is anotehr day for me to give love and accept love and that is what this life is all about, I think.
If anyone read through this whole thing.. I was wondering if anyone else could share their experiences with me, with their journey building faith or just HP moments?
Thanks.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
Thank you for your wonderful post on faith. I feel like I really relate to every post of yours that I have read on here.
Faith was really hard for me too. But I got to a point where I was so desperate and feeling so alone I finally tried turning to something other than drugs, relationships, or my self. It is sad to say but it wasn't until I felt I had nothing left to lose that I really started to pray and open my heart to a higher power.
My family of origin is catholic, we're hispanic, but my parents were never practicing catholics. They were too busy practicing being addicts, alcoholics and codependents! I have always had a hard time with all organized religions and the concept of God in general because I feel like they have been so tainted by what we humans have done to them. So many atrocities have been comitted and continue to be comitted all in the name of God and religion.
I was vaguely spiritual but I was also an addict and thus my "god" for a long time was drugs and dysfunctional relationships.
Like you, I have found that when I truly, honestly and humbly ask for help, I get it. Not prayed for things to go my way, or a particular outcome, but just spoke to my higher power and said I need some help, please show me the way, please guide me, I give myself to you and your will. I have never, not once been let down.
Having faith in my life has been such an amazing gift. I don't know how I got alone without for so long. I have also been through a lot of very painful and difficult situations and I thought I was getting by all on my own. Maybe I was getting by, many times barely by the skin of my teeth, but faith in a higher power has elevated not only my awareness of the world around me and my own consciousness, but also my quality of life.
The third step prayer has been getting me through a lot of difficulties this week. Anytime I find myself slipping and starting to spin myself around in my head with obsessive, compulsive, negative thinking I try my best to catch myself and I start to pray, repeating either the serentiy prayer or 3rd step prayer in my head just to stop my own thoughts. When I can calm the noise in my head, then I really talk to my higher power. I do this everyday, the first thing I do in the morning is say thank you for the new day and new opportunity. Then thorughout the day I keep a dialogue going with my HP. I slip and slide at times and I get overwhelmed and start to despair. but I have my HP there to see me through whatever comes my way all I have to do is reach out to it and keep and open heart and mind.
I posted the story of how I found my faith on here under "my story", I'd be honored if you read it. The experience had an immensly profound effect on my life and I posted it in the hopes that others would find strength and hope in it too.
So glad to be here with such open, honest and understanding brothers and sisters.
Thanks again for this topic Michelle, keep up the great work!
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"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am for myself only, what am I? If not now, when?"
"Be happy for this moment, this moment is your life."
(((((Michelle)))))...You're looking for an affirmation to your growth in peace of mind and serenity? Sister you just gave the lesson and my response only can be...this is simply the way its done. You let go and Let God and made yourself an instrument of HP's peace...The servant's prayer with a follow thru and you loved the creation you are just as your HP loves you. This is also what I strive for after all of the meetings and hours working this program and arriving at "God Is" my meditation and "Love is the complete and total acceptance of every other human being for exactly who they are", my practice.
This is the success...continue to duplicate it. And thanks soooo much.
Thanks for your responses. I just get hyper and excited about faith and hearing about others' relationship with their HP, their stories, their moments.
Peachy, I will have to go back and read that I must have missed it.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
When I first read the Steps I was touched to the core-- The twelfth promised that I would have a Spiritual Awakening as a "Result of those Steps. What more could I ask. This was something that I knew I needed and did not have a clue on bow to attain.
I painstakingly worked these steps, sometimes with great difficulty and when I reached the 12th Step I too had achieved the promise, -I had received a Spiritual Awakening
I must practice this program every day in order to stay "awake", and not slip back into my spiritual coma but here we all are working toward our spiritual growth
