The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been reading an old thread from last year, anf it has been helping me to get some things clear. I have just read what white rabbit said about sponsorship:
"Recovery is at your own pace. I had a sponsor for a full year before I was ready to tackle the steps. I was stuck on Steps 1 and 2 forever, and that was okay."
I am still very angry that I was dumped unceremoniously by my sponsor last week. I have only been in the program for just over a year and started on the steps with this sponsor in November. One of the reasons she gave was that she had "lost patience over the last few weeks with the way I had been goldbricking over the step questions." I was so upset because previously she had said it was fine to go at my own pace...and each question I had made sure I was living and experiencing the answers not just writing them down. It is for me an organic process which has its own momentum and was really sinking in properly. Reading white rabbit's experience has made me realise how it should be with a good sponsor and validates my instinct that she was inappropriate...at least by my value system. Being relatively new I wasn't sure, but now I know.
Thank you so much white rabbit for sharing that.
Tigger x
-- Edited by Tigger on Wednesday 18th of April 2012 05:13:13 PM
-- Edited by Tigger on Wednesday 18th of April 2012 05:20:08 PM
I used to stew over what I thought was unjustified acts. However, I have learned that it's best to look for the gift in difficult situations and not spend time feeling victimized.
A question I ask myself is: What is the gift here? Always, and I mean always, I've found at least 1 gift in every situation that I really investigated.
In hindsight, I can see that many of my most difficult situations happened most likely due to my not learning any other way (I'm a bit hardheaded at times).
If what I share here doesn't reasonate with you, let it go.
-- Edited by GailMichelle on Wednesday 18th of April 2012 07:12:53 PM
-- Edited by GailMichelle on Wednesday 18th of April 2012 07:13:09 PM
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
Thanks Tigger for sharing that. In my humble opinion, a sponsor should be willing to encourage the newcomer to go to any lengths - the newcomers lengths, not theirs. a sponsor is a guide not a boss.
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Not all my days are priceless, but none of them are worthless, anymore.
I would encourage you, not to take it personally, sweetie. What she did has nothing to do with you, hard as that might seem to believe. She merely took care of herself, she has every right to do that... just as YOU have the right to do what is right for you.... doing the steps as you are comfortable, in you and your Higher power's perfect time.
Try to think of a sponsor as only a friend. Just a friend to walk together through the steps. Try putting her in your God box and leave her there, knowing that humans are not perfect. When HP took things away from me (and believe me, HP took and took and took!) other things came along to fill the void
Trust that Higher power has something else planned, you can expect the BEST (((hugs)))
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
I did not make it to step 4 even until I was over 1 year in the program - and this is in AA where they generally state an urgent need to do them sooner rather than later. I personally found that being more thorough and having the right sponsor was HUGE! Don't fret. You are being true to yourself.
I have met a few people who were pushed into things that they weren't ready for and it was disastrous for them. Ironically they found a new sponsor and started over, when they were ready and did 4th it made a huge difference in a positive way. There lays the crux .. it was when they were ready.
Everyone has their own issues to deal with and none of us are perfect. I would def QTIP (Quit Taking It Personally) as whatever happened it wasn't about you at all. The other thing is when you get a sponsor .. get one who has a sponsor .. it's kind of like the trickle down effect .. as your sponsor is healing so are you. It's an exchange of healing energy. No one ever gets this program .. it's all about emotional and mental growth, which hey, it's never done .. and if someone says they are done .. I figure they better be on their death bed because even that (based upon your belief) is another way we continue to grow.
This weekend I spoke to someone who had been in for 20+ years and their sponsor was 7 years in .. there is no rules outside of having an open mind and being willing to be willing. I thought it was cool that someone with 20 years in was wanting what someone else who was in 7 years had to offer.
Keep coming back, hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I recently saw a "poster" clip art and I can't remember the exact words, sorry if I butcher it but I really liked what it said. For me I'm finally 5+ years after my divorce learning to forgive my ex and move on.
It basically said "Do not worry about those who are in your past now, what they brought to your life is done now, look forward to those in your present and future". The "what they brought to your life is done now" part really hit me. My ex was sure awful, but I wouldn't be who I am now without that pain and turmoil. It brought the fight out in me, the "I'm going to be the best me I can" was awakened and is now roaring in my life.
Sure, I've got the rest of my life to keep being the best me, it will never end but at least I got my journey started on the heels of that life.
I must say that I am starting to see the gifts here...
Yes, learning to not take things so personally and not let others have so much power over my emotions and reactions. Finding my own self definition. I'm actually starting to feel grateful, like I've been given this opportunity to move to the next level in my recovery...a me motivated recovery!
I felt a bit like I was doing the step questions for a teacher and wanted to please her by being good with good answers. I have been carrying on with the quesrions on my own, with a strong self motivation and forward motion.
Strangrly enough, I feel a lot more connected to a sense of fellowship now and more willing. I feel like I really want this. It's like yeah there was a void but something greater has already stepped in to fill it...I think it's a HP.
Someone said at a meeting last week that they never learned anything from all the people who were agreeable to them and who they clicked with naturally.. the true teachers in our lives are the people we clash with, who we disagree with.. those are the moments.
I think the same is true of our own ego and with hardships in the world.. The hard times, the broken values, the pain and heartache... each act as a weight.. they weigh us down, we have to drag it around and lift it up, eventually maybe we can let it rest in the dirt... but eventually all that pulling and holding and lifting... it makes the soul stronger.
just my thought on it. She may not be the right sponsor for you but you still may have been chosen to teach her something, or perhaps, she was here to teach you something.
:)
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
I love all the ESH on this post, it's all great and helpful to me! What we go through definitely makes us who we are and I don't regret the hard things, because I love who I am right now standing tall coming through the steps and really facing myself and feeling accepted and loved anyway has been amazing.
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
