The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
After a year of meetings I guess I finally let my guard down enough for that...
At this evening's meeting, I admitted feeling suicidal, and that the only reason I'm not dead is because my sister will need life-long care and I have to stay alive for that.
I'm proud of the way my fellow Al-Anon members reacted -- no frantic pleading with me to go to the hospital, no lectures on why suicide is a bad idea, just a box of kleenex, some hugs, and some "keep coming back"s. They really have their program down. And it helped to have a group of people I could talk honestly to *without* them freaking out.
I'm still in a pretty bad place right now, but knowing that there are people who I can talk to makes it a little more bearable.
-- Edited by atheos on Sunday 15th of April 2012 08:08:02 PM
Sending you lots of love and support, so glad you were brave enough to share how you were feeling. That's so important!!!
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I was in a meeting once and a woman shared that she had told her sponsor she was feeling suicidal. Her sponsor suggested she hold off on the suicide until after she had completed her inventory work. That way, she wouldn't be killing the wrong person.
i got lots of kleenex if you ever need some.
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Not all my days are priceless, but none of them are worthless, anymore.
Thanks for your post. It sounds like you've found a very good Alanon meeting. I'm glad you felt safe to share in your group and here. Please keep coming back. hugs. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Thanks for this share, I have a hard time letting people see me vulnerable, but Al-anon has really made me feel loved and accepted! Keep up the great progress!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
(((((Atheos))))) you're not alone...and Wolfie's share actually is very valuable. I was also suicidal when I came into Al-Anon with several past attempts. I was crazy as a coot and so very afraid of living that way however HP wanted me to get in and stick in at least for 90days and I did. I've been in for a while and my experience now is that had I killed myself that would have been a "failed" suicide and that the "successful" suicide was what I accomplished in the Al-Anon program...HUH?? Lots of the membership have asked me to explain that.
I found that suicide is successful not when you end your life. It is successful when you end/change how you're living it. That's for me but you can use any part of it if it helps you also.
Keep coming back. The program works when you work it. (((hugs)))
Hi, Ohhhh, I remember that depression. I was driving down the highway and looking at bridge abutments and wondering how fast I should go into it...... I really buckled down to a lot of meetings. I started out going to lots of meetings but after a few years I was only going to, maybe one a week, and maybe even missing that one. I was finding fault with the people at my meetings and didn't want to be friends with them. It was only to my own detriment. They were the ones who listened to me and became my friends. Get to lots of meetings.
It is such a powerful experience to be able to cry in front of others and feel safe.
I am so grateful for the rooms of Al-Anon giving me that. The silent understanding is so much more powerful and helpful to me than being swarmed with advice-giving and attempts to change my mood.
The most powerful expression I received of that caring was the day I had finally determined I had finally had enough with my AH. I was done. I went to a meeting that was being held at a friend's house that night. I sat through the meeting stoic, on the verge of tears. My sponsor was there that night and she came to me after the meeting and asked me how I was and I just started to cry. We went outside to our friend's lanai and I just sobbed my eyes out (and went through a whole box of tissue to boot.) She didn't try to console me with advice. She just sat there with me gently rubbing my back and just let me talk when I needed to talk and cry when I needed to cry.
The other members at the meeting went on with their evening (this friend always has a potluck after the meeting). They all stayed out of it and allowed me my privacy but were warm and welcoming to me after I'd finally let it all out and came back inside.
What a gift this program is. Thank you so much for sharing. It just reminded me of that experience I had and how much I cherished it.
((((atheos)))) we're here to love each other, on this Earth I mean. I am so glad your group made you feel, just feel.. okay to speak and feel and tell the truth.
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Michelle!
No one can take away your peace of mind unless you let them.
Wolfie and Jerry make especially apt points. When I was feeling suicidal, I didn't really want to *die* I just wanted the pain to end.
In a way, I HAVE killed myself. I killed off that part of me that was not working and replaced her with someone awesome. We don't have to physically die, to die. I hope that makes sense.
Please stick around, you have immense value and worth, and I so look forward to watching you grow.
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Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us. -from Pema Chödron's When Things Fall Apart
