The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi all my ex ABf started drinking again about 6 weeks ago and is in a really bad place.
We had a chat couple of days agao I seperated from him as soon as he picked up I can not live with active drinking. He has been in AA for 3 years and maanged 9 months sober once.
I have uped my meetings and just started attening a step meeting and intend to work my way through all of them in this group.
I told my ex i was going to work on myself and did not want a relationship till I had completed the steps. We said we would have contact (phone call every month or so).
He agreed with this and said he was going to get himself together.
He turned up at 5 am yesterday I opened the door big mistake he was drunk. I had three hours of hell he would not leave i caught him taking money he was horrrible. Thanks to al anon and my other fellowship Coda i know it is the disease and I also know that I can not fix him. I have learnt it is my responsibility to love and take care of me. Once he fell a sleep I rang the police. i told them he was ill and could the remove him take him home to mums. Then he sent lots of evil messages or should I say the disease did.
I now know I can not have any contact un;less he is working a programme. I just do not know how I ever survived without this fellowship.
I do not feel guilty I just feel sad and hope he makes it.
So good that you are not participating in his drinking time. I think I would have done the same, and as for opening the door, we all find ourselves in a place where a quick decision is needed and it may not allow us enough time to think it through. Give yourself some credit for maintaining yourself and then phoning the police to remove him. That's the best idea I can think of.
You sound very strong and I agree, no contact while he's active. Just ignore the messages. Hugs to you, it's very hard to see someone we care about hurting themselves and learn to be strong and step back and allow them to take care of themselves.
So sorry that you are having to deal with all this crap it's so not easy. It's so hard to watch someone we love self destruct.
Keeping the focus on you is where it is at .. hugs again, P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Good growth Tracy...he relapsed and you didn't go along with it. Those step meetings and step groups are awesome. Hmmmm may be we could change my home group for a while and just concentrate on the steps and traditions.
Sending love and support to you Tracy. My home group is a step/tradition study and we learn so much from each other. Keep doing what you did today. Its working.
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Not all my days are priceless, but none of them are worthless, anymore.
