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so im kind of nervous. It has been over 3 months since I let my crack addict ex-boyfriend go. Heard through the grapevine he could be getting out this Friday. I have slowly growing and working on my happiness and it all was because I put him out of sight and out of mind.
I am nervous and I am nervous and anxious for 2 scenarios.
1.) I am nervous he will contact me. Event though I will never get back with him. I AM 100% SURE I WONT!!! I let him go and worked too hard to get involved again. But I am afraid I will give in and just hear what he has to say. Event though i dont want to.
2.) I found out that him and his baby mother got back together. (Let me remind you that he is in jail because he stole her car from pushing her to the ground and grabbing her keys and remind you he has abused her in the past and lied, cheated and stole.)
I am nervous that he wont even try to reach out to me at all. even though I dont want him too, i will feel bad that I am the one that he threw away and I am afraid that he will tell everyone I helped him get drugs and I used drugs. Even though I was the one that was threatened and lied to and pressured to give him and i was enabling him without knowing because I have never been in this situation. I never used drugs, i was always afraid to be around it and never knew anyone that used, so to me it was foriegn and i didnt know the extent of his disease.
I am just afraid he will get out thinking he is this changed man and has his relationship back and bad mouth me to make himself look better, when people ask what happened between us.
He is 31 yrs old and not the most mature. He def. was one to talk behind everyones back.
just the thoughts I have, the pit in my stomach, just want to prepare myself if he gets out.
I hear you running scenario's of what he is or might do, What are you gonna do? How are you taking care of you? I hope you can dive into meetings and and keep coming here! Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Thanks for sharing Julie. anxiety is just another word for worry. and I read somewhere that worry is like a rocking chair. It gives me something to do for an hour or so but it doesn't get me anywhere. Not saying your fears are not genuine, of course you ought to be concerned. But I'd be more concerned about what is really happening and not what I think might happen. The ladies are right. Get to some meetings. Get some phone numbers. Have a plan in case something does happen but try not to obsess over it to the point where it affects your serenity. My prayers are with you.
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Not all my days are priceless, but none of them are worthless, anymore.
There's a lot you can do. Besides worry and feel nervous. You can block his #, email. Practice saying, "Do not ever contact me again." Write a letter (for yourself) to him, not to mail or have him read, but to get your feelings down on paper.
From the way you describe him, it doesn't sound like anyone would believe the gossip that comes out of his mouth anyway. He is going to say whatever he is going to say. And what other people think of you is none of your business. Your reputation with yourself is what matters. Live with integrity and people prone to running their mouths will run them anyway. So don't worry about it.
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Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us. -from Pema Chödron's When Things Fall Apart
