The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello everyone. I have been struggeling somewhat with being organized. I made 2 scheduling mistakes with my kids basketball games today and they missed them both. My husband was very frusterated with me. I do tend to not follow through with things sometimes and I remember that I have been aware that some dates were changed but I put it off and didn't write it on the calendar--I am really bad about dates!!!!. My husband is very good about being organized with things like that. I felt as if I let him down. If something goes wrong with something then I seem to feel like I am BAD and I really beat myself up. I am very sensitive as well. He has such a thick skin and does not stew over things.
Is this common in alanon--I mean-to be very sensitive?
If he gets upset with me (which rarely happens) then I seem to almost put a wall up for protection--either that or I nag him--and look for anything that we have that is different so it seperates us even more--it is like my antanna goes up looking for any little thing that annoys me about him or that we have a difference on. It's like -----Hold me close, No, go away. Does that make sense? I have trouble being close to him-even though I want to--I think that I almost want to sabatoge things so that maybe I can protect myself from being hurt by him--but the thing is-is he loves me so much and treats me like a princess and is the most sweetest, gentle, caring man I have ever know and I love him to pieces as well...so it seems so odd that I would push him away and look for faults. I wonder if this is something from my childhood playing out. Do any of you have experience with this feeling? I honestly freak out inside when we have different opinions on music, movies, beliefs. I don't know why it scares me. I know that growing up my mother would disown anyone who didn't agree with her was very different than her. I think I play this out in my relationships....I do this with friends as well...I have ended good friendships because of little things that really weren't important--I didn't focus on the good things--I looked for the things that I could label bad-or different- I want to change this pattern but don't quite know how.
OMG.... I am 56 and have been a stay at home mom for the last 20 years. I left my AH because I was physically dying from living under constant stress. I just found out my father is dying and I went home last night to seek some compassion and mercy. I have been asking my AH to let me come home because I am on the verge of being homeless if I can't get a job. It is very hard to get a job when I can't get out of bed. When my husband walked in the house and saw me he grabbed a beer and announced that it was laundry night and goes directly to the garage to drink. I woke up crying because I keep trying to fix things instead of trusting our HP. My AH CAN NEVER GIVE ME WHAT I NEED. I AM VERY AFRAID AND CAN BARELY MOVE BUT I WILL TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME.........pusing him away is the healthier choice for me right now
Alanon face to face meetings, working the steps and sharing with others who understand as few other can changed my negative fearful outlook to one of constructive hopeful energy.
I always saw the glass as half empty. My alanon sponsor suggested that each morning I make a gratitude list and then an asset list.
I was to write them down, read them aloud and if possible say them to someone else. It is amazing how hard that exercise was for me.
Today I truly see the glass as half full and see reality with hope and courage and have restored my self confidence and self esteem.
I urge you to keep coming back and try the face to face meetings You are worth it
I used to have one of those walls. Nobody got in and nobody got out. Then I came into these programs and people saw right through my walls. And I saw through theirs. We're all the same in here. Oh, we have subtle differences, thats what makes us individuals. But when I listen to you share all I hear is me. Ok i don't know where i was going with that. I liked your honesty willow
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Not all my days are priceless, but none of them are worthless, anymore.
I have been affected by the disease of alcoholism. I developed coping tools that no longer serve me and that keep me from connecting with the world and my friends.
The way I communicated was by building walls to protect me, , keeping others out, isolating, focusing all my energy on others. That way no one got to know me and how unhappy, angry, sad I truly was. I also lived in a world of denial and pretend. I was pretending that I was Happy, Joyful etc) and that I loved every one. The reason I did this was because I did not trust people and I did not know how to be vulnerable with anyone.
Alanon meetings changed all that. I am intimate with everyone in that room. When I enter, Alanon asks that I leave all the titles, and who I think I am outside and discover who I truly am. In the meetings, by sharing from my heart I can connect and feel a true intimacy.
I learned how to do that in the meetings and then was able to carry it to the outside world.
I learned to trust HP first then by trusting HP I became able to trust myself . With that trust firmly part of my being I was able to connect for real with other.
HP is my constant guide.The Steps, Slogans and Sponsor are the key
Keep coming back
-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 8th of April 2012 10:50:19 PM
I do go to f2f meetings and it is helpful. We really don't talk about intimacy issues though. I know that I need to get a sponsor and I think that I will look for one.
So, in the mean time I hope to let the fear subside and I can let the love in more. Sureendering will help---Have you all heard of this being a very common thing in alanon--I mean fear of letting others in?
I think we all have trust issues in varying degrees. We want people to think we have it all together when inside we're dying. No I don't think your feelings are uncommon, willow. In fact I think you're quite normal.
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Not all my days are priceless, but none of them are worthless, anymore.
I too have struggled with the same situations you describe in your post then someone said to me If two people in a relationship are exactly the same ex. like the same things such as music , food etc one of them is redundant !!! were all different thankfully and I have to remember that just because we dont agree it dosent mean that they are wrong , it simply means we don't agree ..
