The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I think it's been about six months since my last post.
19 months since my ex alcoholic long term boyfriend and I split
10 months since we officially called it DONE
about 3 months since I've been less than miserably depressed and not thinking of either him or how much I wasted with him
and one day since I finally felt a bit of real anger at him. as opposed to shame and regret for my choice to get into and stay in this relationship.. I think that is the stage of grief I've been missing that I need to pass through to really move on.
Very exciting to learn this.....
-- Edited by glad on Thursday 5th of April 2012 08:47:12 PM
also I think maybe, (even though we don't even see eachother any more, and are not even around eachother) by by some "osmosis" I'm not sure but maybe I think that if I am sad long enough he will somehow develop a sense of empathy and care, he won't, or maybe I think he will "see how much I cared, " and wake up and love me back, He won't, even if he wasn't drinking He has no frame of reference for "love" he only knows emotional distance and using people.. his whole family eveyone he knows and spend time with, all the loosers he respects, the woman he now is with.. are all alocholic ... emotional distance,,, loosers...
this is me being sick,, he wasn't and isn't even what I want.. I just wanted to control, help repair and save so I would be valued and appreciated.... NOW I don't know exactly what to do about that sick thinking.. but seems like loveing and respecting and valuing myself would be a good thing to continue to work on...
Great awareness. You are so right. It is important to honor the true feeling of deep anger that is now surfacing Once we see it, feel it , acknowledge it , we can then let it go The 3 As in action.
Working the Steps with a sponsor restored my self respect, my courage, my sense of humor, my empathy, my ability to respond appropriately to a situation.
You are so right - loving, respecting and valuing yourself is exactly the path you are walking.
Thanks so much for your share I fully relate to this phase of things at the moment. I've been saying this a lot .. it's the rejection for me at the moment it's not even about the relationship anymore. That is unhealthy thinking for me, cause I know logically I have value.
Great awareness!!
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
With time comes perspective. It is good to see you going through this process of realizing "It is what it is" - Even though that does involve some anger in the form of "what it is... is a bunch of BS!!"
