The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My father has owned his own painting business for 15 years. With the downturn of the economy he has lost all of his customers. My mother worked with him. So they are both jobless and are being evicted from their trailer. They were only a year away from having the trailer paid for. They've already been through bankruptcy and can't pay the trustee. They've been looking for jobs and say that no one will hire my dad because of his age, he's 57. My mother just got a job where I work answering the phones. She starts on Friday.
They have already started packing and moving things into my attic. I have a tiny house. Its 600 square feet with two bedrooms. Me and my husband and our 4 year old fit fairly snuggly in there. I bought a tiny house because I figured no one would try to move in with me. I'm not sure there is a house in existence that is big enough though. I don't want them to be homeless.
I feel responsible for making sure they are ok. At the same time Max is going to have to give up his room and I don't even know for how long. I'm angry that I am in this position.
I realize that my parents are both dealing with depression and I am too. They say they're looking for jobs. I think that my dad is only applying for painting jobs that pay a certain amount. And I'm not sure that I believe that my mother was applying for jobs. I know she got hired where I work because of me.
All the while they are drinking and I'm not sure how that fits in with everything thats happening right now. Everynight its captain and coke.
I know I am not in a place where I can tell them anything. I feel like I have no control over what is happening. I can tell this is going to be a bad situation for my family. I don't know how to stop it though. This whole thing has been coming for over a year.
They used to blame their lack of money on their children but we are all grown and on our own now. I worry that I'm being judgemental and all they need is some help and then they'll be on their feet again.
I understand the sense of obligation to parents, I often feel the same because I am fortunate enough that my parents have always been there for me and have never expected anything of me. It is not very easy, very similar to a parent feeling obligation to caring for a child and when does that end?
I would think going to meetings right now is a really good idea to seek some sanity. As a thought, or idea, would it be worth it to purchase a sofa couch and have them move into the living room instead of taking away your son's room?
That's a difficult situation. I hope you can keep your boundaries and strength through this. Hugs.
Funny how no matter how bad things get there is always money for the things people are addicted to.
Just because they drink and need help is no reason you have to allow drinking in your house. Or for that matter allow anyone who's been drinking into your house. Just sayin...
My AH's parents wound up evicted, homeless, and jobless. I was informed they were moving in and I explained, AH was moving out with them. My daughter at the time was 2. It created some tense situations however I'm sooooo glad they never moved in because it would have brought a wealth of other issues with it.
I tend to agree .. your home, your rules and my AH's parents wound up doing sooo much better without our interference. It took a while and they got cleaned up, got a home, got a job and things really turned around for them.
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I know there are meetings near me on Thursdays. I'll try to get up the courage to show up there tomorrow evening. And I had not even considered a pull out sofa but thats a really great idea.
Oh man. Do whatever it takes to protect your son. And your own sanity. This does not sound like a good situation on any level. On one hand, you feel obligated to your folks and would have to deal with a lot of guilt if you didn't let them move in. On the other hand, active drinkers in the house, and with limited space, sounds like a nightmare waiting to happen. I don't think you are being judgemental at all. Will they be watching your son? This would be my main concern.
If you could, you might be clear from the get-go how long they can stay with you. And what your deal-breakers are. Have them sign an agreement to your terms.
I have always regretted it when I didn't listen to my gut feeling.
And, do go to the meeting. For what it's worth, in the beginning, I sat in parking lots trying to get the courage to walk in more than I actually got into meetings! :)
__________________
Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us. -from Pema Chödron's When Things Fall Apart
Max goes to daycare so he will not be directly in their care. Although I know they will have an influence and he's going to see them drinking. I don't think it will be like when I was a child though. They are much calmer drunks now if that makes any sense.
I don't know if you have any extra money -- in this economy it's scarcer than ever -- but I think if I had any extra cash, I'd pay for a cheap apartment for them to live in, rather than move them into my house. The problems if they move in do sound like an accident waiting to happen. It would be tense enough in that small space without the drinking, but, well, things never get saner with a lot of drinking. Is there any chance of a Plan B? What happens if it becomes completely unbearable? I think going to meetings and working up a Plan B might be a big help here.
There is not any extra money, I think right now plan B for them would be a homeless shelter. My mother has threatened to move to Oklahoma with my uncle. I guess I could just say "Ok, move away" but honestly that scares me.
I am so sorry that this difficult situation is pressing on you.
You mentined that they only have one more year to go to pay off the trailor they now live in. I do believe that I would try to scrape up the money to pay it off . This would enable them to stay in their own space and not have you all so crowded in a small space. Just a thought.
My alcholic mother moved in with me too. I feel bad because she is elderly, in her late 70s, and my father committed suicde last year. Last night between the gin and the ambien I really thought she was going to overdose. I spend all night running in and checking on her. No sleep for me to go to work with. I am so depressed. And I'm sure she is too. I understand when you say you don't want to abandon them. I don't either. I don't know what the solution is. But I'm in the boat with you.
