The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I grew up in a home where my parents absolutely felt obligated to attention, drama and whatever crumbs of energy I have. So as a result I've always been prey to others who have a sense of entitlement.
In the last year I was approached by someone who used to live next door to me. He dumped his ex girlfriend because she had needs he didn't want to meet. Then he decided I would be a good candidate to replace her. I must admit that on the surface he looks good, ten years sober, a counselor in a recovery home and all that. But the surface isn't reality.
For a while I entertained his interest. After all who isnt flattered by being pursued. Then he became very demanding, texting and calling all the hours of the day and night. I had that kind of dramatic relationship with the ex a. We were at it day and night and never spent more than a few hours not in contact. I'm no longer willing to do that. I also entertained his "poor me's. He had a birthday and I bought him a gift I guess he saw a floodgate there. I'm glad I didn't spend too much money on the gift but I momentarily faltered and felt sorry for him. I also suppose I would like a relationship where I celebrate things.
After the birthday gifts the texts exploded to practically every hour. I don't have a phone package where I can support that and as a result I have a high phone bill which I really can't afford to pay.
So I let go and stopped talking to him I told him I was busy which I am. Now I am getting more poor me calls. Normally i would call and explain and once again be flattered by the attention. Now I'm not. I just let it slide off me.
I am indeed very busy. I have a full plate. I can see what's in front of me and I don't want to partake.
I can't say I have ever been at that place of being able to "see" what I could ge getting into. I 've always doubted myself. I've doubted my feelings. I've doubted my right to privacy. I've doubted that I can do it alone. But I do and al anon does change you.
Today I don't feel guilty, I don't even feel annoyed I just let it go.
This sounds so much like "this is how you work a first step". It is so clear on "What it was like, What I found out and learned and what I do now". Thanks for this share. I can practice this. (((hugs)))
Well I owe this person nothing because he never did anything for me. When i had to move he promised to help me. Then he reneged. When he decided he would like me as a girlfriend he made up some story about that he didn't help me because his girlfriend was very jealous. What a wimpy excuse. He didn't help because he didnt' want to!
I liked the fact he decided to make an amends still it was a sign that he is what he is like. I also found when I discussed issues in my life that he wasn't that sympathetic. So why give him all my energy. At the same time he wanted me to attend to his needs 24/7 the 3:00 a.m. texts were something else.
So while I certainly can be seduced I had some foreboding about him beforehand. Right now I am very busy so I have a valid excuse for not calling him. The issue is it wouldn't be one call then he'd be back to texting again and I'm not up for that.
You know, whatever steps forward we take, we get to keep. No one said we'd get this overnight! I know some of my first attempts at boundary work and checking myself and motives was raw, awkward and in some cases downright bizarre. But it was work and in the right direction. Seems to me you handled this perfectly!
