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I'm ready to start my 4th step and am looking around for a sponsor. I've gotten comfortable at one particular weekly meeting, and have just started going to others as I can.
I'm not sure how to shop around for a sponsor. I feel hesitant to walk up to a stranger after a meeting and just ask. I know this is my own insecurity and in Al-Anon we are all family, but this is something I am working on!
I was wondering how you all with sponsors or sponsorees approached this. I feel like it would be good to go to a particular meeting a few times and sort of get a feel for the individuals before I ask. Also, is it uncouth to say during a share that I am 4th step ready and looking for a sponsor, or is that more of an after-meeting thing?
Just not sure how to do this! Thanks for your thoughts!
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Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us. -from Pema Chödron's When Things Fall Apart
I don't have one yet,but I'd been at a few meetings where they asked if anyone is willing to be a sponsor at the beginning, and a few people raised their hands. If they don't do that, another idea (which I'm actually thinking of for myself) is to go up to the person heading the meeting and ask them how one goes about getting a sponsor. Maybe they would be one or know someone in the group who is taking on sponsees.
When I found my home group I listened to different people share and thought that I liked 2 different older ladies for possible sponsors, the one asked me before I could even get my guts up to do it and we have been a duo ever since. Put it out there or sit back and listen for someone that sounds like sponsor material to you and ask. Some people might be great, but already have too much going on in thier lives, I have seen that happen and just don't take it personally if that is the case, better to have someone turn you down honestly because of lack of time, then take on a sponsee and have no time for you. Sending you both love and support on your sponsor searches!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Breaking nailed it for me...My experience was I was told to sit and listen with an open mind and when I heard what it was that I was looking for from a more experienced member of the groups...ask. That is what I did and doing the 4th step wasn't even in the future for me. I was 1st stepping with some great unmanagability behaviors and experience. Part of that was I intentionally got oppositional and defiant with the suggestiong of Women on Women and Men on Men and justified getting a woman sponsor first "just because...I'm special". I'm so special I got fired!! She refused to do my 4th step for me...dang!! even when I wasn't much with working the first three.
19 years later we are still corresponding...sponsors become relatives in the Al-Anon FAMILY Groups. You can't get a response without asking.
When I asked for a sponsor, it was fairly early on in my recovery. I kept my eyes peeled for a person whose shares just "spoke" to me - someone who exhibited the serenity I wished to have in my life. I asked her after a meeting and feel so grateful she said "yes". I feel extremely lucky to have her as my sponsor and I feel like I ended up with the cream of the crop, as she soon became our Area Delegate the year after we started our sponsor/sponsee relationship. She's been a shining example to me of not only using the Al-Anon tools, but also an example of how service work plays a huge role in personal recovery. On top of it all, she's shown me what a good friend is all about, too.
Pinkchip said what I was thinking... whenever you get a sponsor, don't be surprised if he/she suggests you start from square one again. Most sponsors I've seen need to work from step one forward with their sponsees.
In my personal experience, the steps are not to be worked on my own in a vacuum without some serious and frequent one-on-one discussions with a reliable, trusted Al-Anon member.
Thanks all! I'm sure I will find the exact sponsor I am meant to have. For me, that means going to some different meetings. I'm really comfortable at the one I go to every week...but I don't think being comfortable all the time will do much for my growth. I am more than happy to work the steps with a sponsor and certainly want to get the most of the experience, you know? Will keep my radar open and listen to my gut! Thanks again.
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Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us. -from Pema Chödron's When Things Fall Apart
