The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Flip that. Worry about yourself and how much you allow dating someone early in recovery to distract *you*.
I'm a bit boundary-happy right now, so that may be coloring my thoughts! But if you have any codependant issues at all, this relationship may be challenging and even damaging for you. Tread lightly. He is very early in recovery, and addicts are generally advised to focus on their program for a year before even considering dating. I don't know if your guy is cutting corners or really well enough to be dating...but I would just hold him very lightly and make sure I didn't get enmeshed in *his* recovery. You could also think about what your boundaries are in regards to a possible relapse. Some would say probable relapse.
For what it's worth, I once dated a guy who was in AA and sober for a year. He's actually the reason I started going to Al Anon (and I will always be grateful to him for introducing me to this program). We broke up when he realized he had no idea how to even live life, much less be in a relationship. It became too much for him as he valued his recovery over our relationship. That was a huge step for him and I had to respect that. And get into my own program. (We are still friends, years later...and he is still sober!)
These are just one person's thoughts, only you will know what is right for you.
-- Edited by Dolly Llama on Friday 30th of March 2012 02:44:57 PM
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Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us. -from Pema Chödron's When Things Fall Apart
I recently started seeing someone who is 5 Months sober - I am not a memeber is AA. We see each other about once a week - Dinner, movie, bowling etc.
He moved her months ago and put himself into treatment and currently lives in a sober house.
He attends meetings 3+ times a week and meets with his sponsers. Currently on his 5th step.
I fully support him going to meetings and his sobriety 100%. His sobriety is important to me.
I just wanted thoughts and opinions coming from the recovery side on this. I care about him but do not want to be a distraction or in his way of recovery.
AA suggests members don't get into a relationship until they are at least 12 months sober and have worked the steps. THey feel there is enough to work on with themselves and no room for anything else that could rock their sobriety......... If it were me I would be concentrating on my AL-Anon program all the more.
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Checkout the Al-Anon APP for smart phone/devices .. Daily Al-Anon quotes and readings http://www.batonrougealanon.org/mobile-apps.html
OR
Daily Sharing/Quote from your computer http://www.batonrougealanon.org/quotesharing-linked-page.html
I think al anon is a good place for you to be. I also think its good that you are taking things slowly.
You don't say much about what your life is like. Is he a big issue in your life. For me when I was in a relationship I was committed 100% day one. There was no watching, waiting and listening time for me. I loved them the minute I met them.
Nowadays I have time when I watch, wait, listen, observe, look at what I need and how I am getting my needs met. Before I expectated a relationship to meet all my needs. Now I know that isn't possible.
Someone in early sobriety needs a good support system. Hopefully he is building that for himself. Do you expect to be the mainstay of that?
Al anon can help you to learn how to focus on your own life, get out of the way of the alcoholic in recovery and most of all build a picture of what is "real" rather than what is the fantasy of what your life could be.
I am so glad you are here and reaching out. I think you are taking steps to take care of you and that's so so important.
Welcome. Maybe you'll find something you want or need here and will decide to join us. Finding an Alanon group and attending meetings gave me lots of clarity about my choices and my relationships with the alcoholics in my life which began with my father. My own recovery helps me to make thoughtful decisions concerning my part in my relationships with other people. Working the Alanon steps with a loving Alanon sponsor, belief in a power greater than myself (higher power) continues to provide that guidance and trust in myself as I make choices that focus on my own life first. Because of the Alanon program, I know this isn't a selfish thing to do. For me, this means not giving up my Alanon meetings, my friends, family, work or interests. I'm involved with someone in aa too. When we met, he had three and a half months sober. I had eleven years in Alanon. When we began our friendship, he told me I would need understand that his program came first and that (concerning his sobriety) all he had was these 24 hours. I told him I was looking for the same respect concerning my Alanon program. We're together nearly two years now working our own programs. We do share our program literature with one another from time to time but although we care about one another's happiness and well being; we try to not to act as sponsors to one another. It doesn't mean we're always successful but experience is teaching us that when we get into one another's business the relationship suffers so each of us tries to be mindful to reach out to the people who understand our issues around alcoholism best - for me... Alanon members, Alanon sponsor, my higher power, for him... AA members, AA sponsor, his higher power. Practicing these 12 step program principles helps us not to be distracted from our own recoveries. Thanks for your question. Hope you'll keep coming back and become a part of our recovery family. TT
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Sunday 1st of April 2012 10:26:45 AM
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
