The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I finally got home from my business trip. On the long trip home I came up with a plan to deal with the most recent issue with my AH. Quick recap: while traveling I got a text from a woman I never met saying my husband asked her to have an affair. Old me would have immediately called him and gone off the rails. I did not. I thought about how I wanted to handle it (vs. it handling me). Here was my order: 1. Get home and have a long planned medical test - my health first, no drama before going into hospital was paramount. 2. After I determined the status of my health I would then talk to my AH about the incident. 3. Depending on that talk I would either stay or go.
Strange thing happened, I got home and didn't say a word, was actually very calm. My AH however was ansy, nervous, then he did something he never does. He came to ME and said we needed to talk. He asked if I had been contacted by this woman. I calmly said yes. We then had a calm discussion, he says what she accused him of never happened. My gut radar wasn't going off so I think I believe him, (but I know not to take too much comfort in that - I will keep watching).
The thing is, I had my plan, I was in control of the information and when I wanted to deal with it, vs. allowing it to control me. And while the situation was out of my control how I handled it was wihin my control. Perhaps he sensed my calmness and it pushed HIM to come into the light, I'm not sure. I only know this is the first time when something has blown up that I handled it this way. Is that empowerment?
Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us. -from Pema Chödron's When Things Fall Apart
I don't know about 'empowerment' per se, but I'm with Dolly Llama - that is a great example of working YOUR program, in a quite uncomfortable situation..... Looks good on ya!!
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
"The thing is, I had my plan, I was in control of the information and when I wanted to deal with it, vs. allowing it to control me. And while the situation was out of my control how I handled it was wihin my control. "
You my friend worked a beautiful program and that's what it is all about, .. I love this what you said about how YOU want to deal with it vs allowing it to control you!! I'm going to post that line on my fridge!!
thanks for your share today!! Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
wow I agree with you to keep listening to your gut. I too have had a woman telling me what my (ex) husband had done and said. I did not handle it as well as you. He lied to me ofcourse as he did always.
Sounds like it to me. I wouldn't leave a relationship without doing a plan be. That is the lay out of what you need if and when you leave and no one here is going to suggest or mandate you do leave.
Leaving was very complicated for me. I spent so many years waiting for the shoe to drop. The now ex A was really really good at intriguing. He coud hook me in so so well.
