The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So, tonight I had to go to work. And wife was drinking. This is her 4th or 5th day of drinking 1/3 of a 1.75 L bottle a day. This is typically where we start to fight.
So, after the fight I was waiting til it was time to go to work. She was badgering me to "Get the ____ out" of the house. One of my boundaries (an alanon term I have learned) is that I don't want my life inconvenienced by her drinking. So I wasn't leaving early to go to work. I ended up being inconvenienced anyway because I forgot to bring a security badge to work and now I can't actually get IN to work so am in the lobby waiting.
My 1st alanon meeting was... depressing. Yes, depressing. Dear God, I can't believe the hurt that is out there in the world from alcohol. And I want to scream and rant when someone is talking but I learned that that is not actually allowed. "Cross talk" they called it.
Please be reassured that many people who go to Al-Anon are a bit overwhelmed in the beginning but after a little time generally through our confusion we start to hear the positives of the Al-Anon program.
I won't go into my brief story here, you can read it on my profile if you wish.
I congratulate you on your try/practise of keeping to your boundary decision, and your leaving your security card/key home was a lucky coincidence....you got to your first meeting.
If you have a choice you may like to try different Al-Anon meetings, certainly we get to hear different stories and hear of how people move on their journeys. This then helps us make decisions in using the tools of the program for ourselves.
So very glad that you found and attended your first alanon meeting.Yes living with the disease of alcoholism is indeed very painful. Before alanon and in the world outside of the room we all learn to pretend that all is well and deny the reality of our lives and our pain.
When I first began attending my face to face meetings I too was touched by the safety of the rooms whereby alanon members were able to be honest and open about their lives.
Being willing to be honest and open , are gifts of this program.
Please keep coming back-- the tools the principles work and you and your family are worth.
-- Edited by hotrod on Friday 30th of March 2012 09:01:57 AM
Keep coming back it does get better and yes there is a lot of pain in terms of alcoholism .. I am so sorry for what you are feeling.
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Oh, let me be clear -- It was a 'sobering' experience to go to a meeting. And I have NOTHING negative to say about Alanon or the process or the people there or what was discussed. Nothing. It just kills me to see the suffering that others experience. Its kind of like when I went to Gambler's Anonymous (yes, 17 years off the bet - woo! I don't even buy lottery tickets in NY when its whatever it is right now and everyone is screaming to buy some). Or when I quit smoking (cigarettes). Daunting, frightening moments both of those.
The Alanon meeting did not hurt me, it just made me want to scream out at the injustice of the suffering some of the folks there have had. Its just amazing the strength and love that I saw pouring out at the meeting - and i was only able to stay for 30 minutes (I did have to eventually get to work).
So maybe it /hurt/ but it did not hurt me. It was just tough to see people grasping at that one good thing in the week that they can hang on to. They were wonderful folks, honestly.
This AM Wife wanted to go to mass. On the way there I commented her breath was horrid. She asked me to smell, and I did. I didn't say it smelt like rum. I just said it was bad. She asked if it smelt like rum... And I told her it did. She stayed in the car and did not get out to go to mass (I was going to drop her off at mass after dropping the kids off at school and then come home to work). Maybe this was her moment -- I saw her sitting in the car, contemplative and obviously saddened while I was getting the kids out for school. It was obvious to me that she was thinking.
GeneralLee: I hope you return to another al-anon meeting--I think we try to go to maybe 6 meetings before we can actually see what al-anon is like. It has helped many of us find serenity. yes, there is a lot of sadness but we do have that in common. It gets better, give it a chance, OK?
GL: I just read what you said about GA--not to take anyone's inventory but my husband needed that group in the past & I hope he doesn't buy a lottery ticket!
- G.L.