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We have a little boy who comes to play at our house with my kids and he is the sweetest most amazing little boy. His home life is not so good and we have always tried to keep a decent relationship with his parents because we want this little guy to be able to keep coming over.
So the other day the little boy comes running over to our house and tells me he needs the phone to call his mom. I told him that he could tell me what was happening because I could tell he was very upset. He told me his step dad was holding him down and he couldnt breath and now he is hurting his mom. I think this little boy was so upset that he thought he could call his moms phone and his step dad would quit hurting her. The next thing i know, his mom comes over to get this kid and she says everything is fine and she walks him back over to the house. I hear yelling in the house and the little boy and his mom come outside barefoot and start walking up the street and the guy comes out and follows them out on the street and starts yelling at them. The lady was very upset...although no bruises or anything. he walked behind her and guided her back in the house. I did not see him hurt her but I felt that I needed to call the police because I did't know if he was going to hurt this little boy. So I called the police, they came and the guy was crying and saying how everything is going horrible (which it really is, no car, no money, has a serious illness, and the police ended up staying there for about 2 hours. No arrests at all. They were all visiting outside like everything was fine. The police did not arrest him. I have been VERY upset about this for the last few days. The little boy was not at school yesterday and I haven't seen him at his house for the last 4 days. I have a feeling that the neighbors know I called the police on them and they will probably never let us see the little boy again. I feel so torn because I felt that his life was in danger that day and I had to call the police but now I feel I will probably never get to see him again. I keep going back and forth about this. I really need some support on this. My heart is truly breaking. I am trying to detach and let go and let god. It is hard. Very hard.
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It is very difficult to have a pity party when I am celebrating all the gratitude I have in my life!
It will aither work out, . . . or, . . . It will work out."
There is no question in my mind that you did the right thing. I have heard many people who were abused in their youth say, "If only someone, anyone, had called the authorities." Even if there was no arrest, which it sounds like there wasn't, they will now be on the radar of the authorities. It's true that the system is overburdened and sometimes they're slow to help, but it's a start.
I don't know how the police interact with child protective services in your locale, but it might be worth a call to them just to find out if there's anything else you can/should do. This must be terrifying for a child.
Of course I don't know what will happen in your case, but my experience of this kind of family is that they're very disorganized. They lay down rules like "You can't go to so-and-so's any more, ever again!" But after a while they're too caught up in everything to enforce those rules. So I think there's a good chance you will see that little boy again.
Bless you for being there for him. He obviously knew your house was a safe place for him. They say that the children who are resilient to abuse are those who have someone in their corner. You were in his corner.
"Practice how to get out of your home safely. Identify which doors, or windows would be best. During an incident of abuse or violence, get out if you can. Call for the police, if you feel it is safe.
Teach your children how to call police number or getting to a place where they will be safer.
Identify a neighbour you can tell about the violence and ask that they call the police if they hear a disturbance coming from your home. Devise a code word to use with your children, family, friends and neighbours when you need the police."
The above is taken from a web site on Domestic Violence.
"He told me his step dad was holding him down and he couldnt breath"
That is child abuse. As the reporting witness, I would think you could find out from the police department to see if child protective services were called out, or call them yourself. Who cares what the neighbors think...abuse is not acceptable and turning a blind eye only helps the abuser continue abusing. Oh how I wish this mentality of "other people's business" would die in regards to abuse. You put this guy on the police department's radar...I wish every neighbor would call every time something happened like that. Can you record video on your cell phone? Also valuable for law enforcement.
A few months ago, I called the cops when I saw a man headbutt his wife at a city intersection. He was grabbing her and verbally abusing her, she was crying and hysterical. The cops showed up, and he ran. I talked with the woman for a few minutes...she was pregnant and had one kid at home...totally confused and lost. Not interested in going to a shelter or otherwise leaving him. All I could do for her was tell her about a good local resource for domestic violence victims, and then I had to walk away after the police got my statement.
It is hard to see that stuff and know you are helpless. All you can do is report what you can and leave the rest for your HP to sort out. Unfortunately, domestic violence is so pervasive and very tricky for even law enforcement to deal with. That poor little boy...
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Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us. -from Pema Chödron's When Things Fall Apart
I also concur you so did the right thing and all you can do is let that little one know you are there for him.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
What you did took a lot of courage and conviction. That little boy came to you because he know, somehow, that you would help him, and you did. Even if it disrupts your future relationship with him, you may have helped him and the family situation in ways you will never know. I once hear someone share about the "angels" from her childhood that helped her. You were this boy's angel. You did great. Sending you peace and confidence and support in the wake of this sad and troubling situation.
You can also call child abuse prevention there is a hot line for reporting issues like this. Your not being able to see him again is outweighed by the fact you probably put a crimp in the man's actions. He knows he is being watched now.
Oh thank you dear friends for your amazing support. I am so glad I can come here with these things. I am so grateful for this community.
Update on the situation: My boys asked the little boy today at school if he could come over and play today and he said he couldn't come over any more or his dad would get mad at him. He also said that he would be moving in 3 days to a town about an hour away. My heart breaks for this little boy and yet I know that God will help him along his journey in life. I really do hope he remembers that someone really did try and help him when he was a little guy....If I can be that angel, then I am glad I can be it. I know that God had us cross paths for a reason and I really have to let go and let God now. I am so sad that they are moving away. I do look forward to a more peaceful neighborhood but I also worry about this boy. I know that I made it through some really bad things in my childhood so I am going to have faith that this boy will make it too. I am just going to pray for him any time I think of him and trust that HP will be there to see him through. This situation makes me just want to cry my eyes out though. I guess I need to let the tears flow.
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It is very difficult to have a pity party when I am celebrating all the gratitude I have in my life!
It will aither work out, . . . or, . . . It will work out."
2nd update: Saw him at school today and I told him he made the right choice to come to my house. I told him he can come over if he needs help. He said he can't come over any more and he is moving. He said his dad said he cant come over anymore and he is moving in a few days. He seemed almost frightened of me and standoffish....NOT the boy I remember having here....it is so sad because his parents must have put fear into him about me now. I really hope he doesnt go home today and tellhis parents I talked to him at school....I am a little fearful of his parents. I hope I did not make things worse. I also told the school about what happened.
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It is very difficult to have a pity party when I am celebrating all the gratitude I have in my life!
It will aither work out, . . . or, . . . It will work out."
there's a record now. Of course dysfunctional parents don't want to own their behavior. The good thing is that you have let this kid know that people will listen to him and people do care about him. he can take that whereever he goes.
Gosh that is truly a heart wrenching story. It has to be tough to think about and witness. Just remember God has no grandchildren, that little child has a higher power that is watching over him just like we all do.
If it were me, feeling like the child might be abused because I continued to speak to him, I would stop unless approached by the child. If I saw visable bruises i would work with the channels we have to address that abuse.
-- Edited by BRAlanon on Thursday 29th of March 2012 09:51:16 AM
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