The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Pictures of today's accomplishments!!! That is a cord and a half or so of wood, bring on the splitter and it's all out of the way!!! Then I push mowed the lawn I'm sure much to the chagrin of the neighbors .. LOL .. it was pretty early I was trying to get done before the heat come up. And that is the last of the burn pile. It is awesome to have that back area all cleaned up I'm telling you .. that is something that has been in process of over a year now .. so the fact it's ALL done is HUGE!!!!!
-- Edited by Pushka on Sunday 25th of March 2012 11:49:07 AM
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
LOL!! Boy did I get a reality check. I no longer have the luxury to feel sorry for myself.
I did wake up today feeling like son of a gun, I want to have a temper tantrum and darn it I want MY way RIGHT NOW!!! HA HA .. I'll let you know how that's working for me .. LOL!! I'm going to wind up going over another log and that's just not an option at this point.
Sleep was elusive and it didn't help that I had a very vivid nightmare about the current situation and being rejected that part was hard. I know I don't want to date. I know I'm not ready to end things. I know I can't stay in limbo forever. Believe me dating is not something I'm thinking WOO HOOO .. I'm going to date .. 16 years with one man. This has left me devestated on a personal level. I am doing the best I can and I am exactly where I need to be. I remind myself too that I am working on myself from the inside out and that is soooo ok .. and I am soooo going to be such a rock star and ready for what God has in store for me in that dang door #2!! I want what is in door #2 sooo much and I have to still let go of door #1.
So instead of sitting around curled up in the fetal position .. or having my 3 year old temper tantrum I decided to DO something. I have more pictures to post of what my yard looks like!! It IS amazing!!! I DID it!! I had help and thank you God for the help I received, I DID IT!!! I ROCK!! LOL!!
I pushed mowed the back yard. The front and the side still need to be done, however AH is coming over tomorrow to take care of that I hope .. AND .. the yard just looks amazing ALL of the wood is pushed over and I can get someone in here to start splitting the wood I am sooooo EXCITED!!! That is about a cord and a half of wood for winter, at LEAST that is probably about 400$ or more worth of wood I don't have to pay for next year!!
I'm making plans for the garden. My herbs are coming back up and that is fun for me and for the kids. My mom is coming. I have had people to my house. I am truly a very blessed woman. ALL because I took an emotional risk and asked for HELP!! Iasked for help from people who care about me, the kids as well as my AH.
Something I have discovered about myself is that I'm made of sugar and steel I don't need to be fragille to be wanted, I don't need a man (want a man at some point .. LOL .. need one not so much) to rescue me and make me his everything. I want to be that for myself through God. I have so much more to offer and now I'm discovering how much I DO have to offer it's an awesome experience.
Sooo .. feeling sorry for myself .. hmmm .. not so much .. I am so much more and today that's what I'm grateful for!!
Thanks for letting me share (ramble .. lol) in tremendous graditude. There is such hope out there and it's an amazing thing to embrace!!!
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Keep up the great work! I have been divorced since July and just started to date. You will know when its time and there is a lot to be said about putting the time into yourself in the mean time. I am sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Ha I relate big time. Busy is my new distraction from bad behavior. I don't know about you but during busy I talk to myself about what's going on to need tantrum/food/pity/etc. It's great.
I left a 15 year marriage in 2007. I tried dating in 2008, not even close to ready. So I found a group of single parents (my kids were under 12 at the time). Surrounded myself with great people and focused on me in therapy for another 3 years.
I was given a book I still use in therapy called "how to spot a dangerous man" (something close to that).
I ran all my dates in the past year through that book mentally LOL.
Love that you recognized right away and worked through it.
Pushka the posts' title is kinda a misnomer isn't it? The overwhelming image I get when reading it is NOT of someone feeling sorry for themself! Its always a good feeling to get something that hangs over your head done and out of the way - um, looks toward the kitchen, like the pile of dishes in my sink...? cough cough, but I'm sick, dishes can wait... can't they? ha, Cheers dear!
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Nice, you go girl! I am sooooooo glad that I don't have to use wood here in AZ!!! Honestly, I am so happy for you and that you continue to share here with us. You are on a remarkable journey, just keep taking it one day at a time!
Very nice recovery. The type of relationship you are capable of having when you dont "need" a relationship so bad is sooooo much more satisfying. Of course the growing pains in between are intense, but it's not like there are not moments of total serenity and coolness despite being at a difficult spot in your life. You still have much to be grateful for and what you are really doing is "rebuilding" if you went out and started dating too fast, that would be "replacing" and that would turn out bad in all likelihood. You sound like you have that wisdom inside of you already though.
You're doing really well as evidenced by the pics! I so, so relate to feeling in limbo. I am separated from my AH, but not exactly split up, so to speak. I am facing intense pressure from my family to finalize a divorce once the separation is at a year, and to start "dating" now. It is at the point where my mom and sister are asking me for pictures of me for them to circulate to eligible men. I'm not there now. I really like what you say about being exactly where you need to be. I need to constantly remind myself that when I think "shouldn't I be doing this, that or the other?" It doesn't help when other people are trying to tell you what you should be doing, either. It's all about being true to yourself, doing what you know is right for you at a pace you can handle. Inspiring share, thanks P :)
