The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have to laugh so I don't cry. I've been at my current career for 6 years, promoted twice. I guess because I'd have to admit I'm an enabler here. Since I'm a single mom and my ex provides zero financial support for my kids, I do what I have to for a paycheck and am actively looking outside for a new job.
I didn't connect the dots. I knew my management was, well, dysfunctional. The basic deal is we have a director and 3 managers who all oversee a different function here. I basically have two managers. My direct report, and the manager of my "team".
We have drama here like no other. Conspiracy theories fly, scapegoats change monthly, and blaming is so prevalent most of the staff just knows to expect it. HR has been brought in, this is "big corporate world" and the function I perform cannot be done by any other person in this corporation. HR has been listening to the complaints as the revolving door swings constantly and have now resorted to "sorry, don't know what to tell you, get another job". Rumors exist (don't care to even validate them, not worth my energy) that the Director has something over the CEO.
All that to say that today, it dawned on me. The stress level here, if compared to most corporate jobs, is top notch. Everything we do is scrutinized by 20+ CEOs, CFOs, CIOs, CcrapOs. Finger pointing and "that mistake may have cost you your job" is common. So for levity staff jokes about bringing in blenders and all of us drinking all day. None of us do of course, i'm not a drinker anyway and most is taken as a joke.
But when one of the bosses had a booze bottle in her drawer stolen by the cleaning company and she was ranting about it today... I said "OMG, I get it".
They don't drink here but I KNOW they drink a lot at home. They compare wine clubs and top shelf name brands and whatever. The management has all discussed their drinking habits and they think it's fine. I mostly dont' care, I come here do my job, do it well, don't bitch and go home. It's ok with me cause I leave it here.
But truly now I get why they are so dysfunctional. Lying, blaming, covering up things, over-reacting to little stuff, getting personal on staff if you dare disagree with them .... classic.
I wish I could end this with "I'm gonna get my program out on these people" but I'm not. I'm detached from it and they HATE it. They pegged me as a scapegoat a year ago, I allowed it for awhile then just refused to participate. Once I did that, they backed off and now I'm like the "model staff". I think they just don't know what to do with someone who reacts to attempted blame with "thanks for bringing that to my attention, I'll take that into consideration".
I do however do whatever they tell me to. I have taken on way more work than I can handle and don't say no. At least I'm doing it on purpose and willing to tell them it's more than I can handle. Unfortunately I have to feed my kids, if I say "no" to new work I've seen what they are capable of (they've run off 15 people in under a year, this is a full professional career with zero turnover in most places, it's a rare career).
So I keep learning, building my skills, updating my resume and talking to recruiters. At least my work has good compensation for putting up with such crap! The industry has just started to hire again (across the board) so my chances to move will increase by summer. Have an interview in another industry next week, less pay but willing to take it to end crazyville.
Oh and 10 of the people "run off" left in the last 4 months. Out of a staff total of 15. We are currently run by temps and consultants! Guess their crazy isn't working so well anymore LOL.
Hang in there- it sounds like you're riding a rough surf well, even if you don't feel like you are. I've had and still have exposure to this behavior as well. It's certainly no fun when my thinking is distorted or when I am around others who have distorted thinking! I've recently observed the same- those that best adapt immediately express a neutrally stated "thanks for the feedback" when they get hit with criticism or something unpleasant.
That's a really interesting dynamic at your job there! I never considered what alcoholism would look like in a group setting. You nailed it. This also perfectly describes many pockets of the military. I think the same sort of things would occur when a percentage of the office/company/whatever have any sort of addiction (food, work, sex, drugs, etc) or codependancy stuff going on. Stunning how one's addiction can ripple through and affect so many people.
__________________
Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us. -from Pema Chödron's When Things Fall Apart
I could definitely see that dynamic on the military. I learned quickly that they enjoy finding out about your home life so they can talk about behind your back. So now I don't tell them anything...ever!
Just need to keep my distance and keep looking! Thanks :)
