The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I agree , keeping an open mind is vary important. Let al the information process thru your mind, heart and soul. Listen to your inner voice and possibly you will find that what you are hearing is not that different from program.
I found that yes, alanon taught me to "Focus on myself" accept myself and see my assets and defect without blaming or shaming.
I was then asked to replace the defects with constructive responses instead of destructive "reactions"
Detach, from a situation, say what I mean and mean what I say without saying it mean was a huge tool of my recovery. It also meant that the other person had a right to do the same. They could hear and respond and we could develop a dialogue and meet consensus or agree to disagree.. Great growth
Possibly your new therapy is attempting to get to the same place using different words and tools.
Talk this over with your sponsor and if you feel this is not working perhaps sharing your concern with the therapist or changing to 12 Step counselor would be a better choice.
In any event, yu were very courageous to attend.
Good job.
-- Edited by hotrod on Friday 23rd of March 2012 04:30:21 PM
I like the message and guidance this program offers. I believe many would benefit from it even if they don't have alcohol in their lives.
My spouse and I are also in counseling and the format and philosophy is so very different than what we learn in this program to the point that I feel conflicted. She really has been focusing on what each of us should do to ease the other's anxieties and put ourselves in each others head/shoes etc to the point of changing our own behaviors. For the first time in my life this program has allowed me to pay attention to my own feelings and be able to express them and stand up for myself and know that it's ok to be me. I feel like counseling is telling me something slightly different. I don't know. I need to bring it up in my next session so I can get some clarity from her.
Right now, all I want to do is disappear for a while but that's not an option
Please be VERY easy on yourself. Sometimes I have found with my counseling what I think my therapist says and what I hear are two different things. Let yourself just absorb what you have heard and let it go at this point. You don't have to follow exactly what they say .. just like Alanon take what you like and leave the rest. You may want to explain where you are coming from at the next session and then you can decide if this is something that will work for you or not.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I wonder if there are any counselors near you that have experience with recovery work? The message most counseling focuses on is "connection" which is fine and necessary however, if you are in the process of learning healthy detachment, that's going to be difficult so I totally identify with your feelings here.
Most people who have to unlearn enabling, can't focus on that connection part. For myself even though I've been doing the boundary thing for 5+ years, I'm just NOW entering the possibility of dancing that line, and I have to be ever so careful. It takes a lot of presence of mind, I'm constantly evaluating motive and boundaries as I do things that focus on connection. I could not have done this 5 years ago, I needed to firmly grasp "where I ended and the other person began".
I don't think it's impossible to do both, but ironically a book I just started reading combines the connection/boundary link very clearly for me. It's called "The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brene Brown. That along with Al Anon meetings, Boundary work, etc though. Not by itself.
I went to a marriage counselor who didn't "get it" at all. She suggested a book that recommended wives have sex with their husbands as duty and try to enjoy it if you could manage that.
No consideration that my lack of sex drive had anything to do with my feelings of disgust when he was sloppy drunk and calling me names. etc.
I know for me, I need to disconnect because the way I am connecting now is not healthy. You can't fix a place while you're flying it.
I also think it greatly depends on how much trust has been broken in your relationship with the alcoholic.
Just keep working the program, and do try to communicate with the therapist.
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Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us. -from Pema Chödron's When Things Fall Apart
Aloha Amills...I know what you meant to a point. My counselor kinda sorta had it in for Al-Anon but couldn't deny my growth. Take some informational pamphlets from your group to your counselor and let her read before discussion. They are just people, neither good or bad, right or wrong. They have their own beliefs and perceptions and that's okay. If the shoe doesn't fit...take it off and try another pair. ((((hugs))))
II am glad to hear your growth and love that your inner voice is letting you know when you get red flags. I switched counselors at 1 point when I realized she didn't want to understand how helpful Al-anon had been for me. We always have choices. Keep up the great work.
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
