Do you ever get overwhelmed? - Al-Anon Family Group

daisy31 · Veteran Member

Do you ever get overwhelmed?

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Yeppers...Time takes time. The slogan I love and use to bring me back inbounds is "Easy Does it" and then "Let go and .... Let God", "When in doubt Don't" was given to me by my sponsor Don T so whenever I have any doubt about over doing stuff I Don't do more stuff. "One Step at a Time" also helps me slow down " along with "Think!!".

An Enabler getting Overwhelmed is like an Alcoholic moving toward Toxic Shock or overdose.

It's okay to let others do some of the work also. Remember, there is a difference between Helping and Enabling.

((((hugs)))) smile

pineapple · ~*Service Worker*~

Oh yeah! Although I do have to say since finding alanon and the support on this board those times of feeling overwhelmed are much fewer, and shorter. BUT they do still happen sometimes. The slogans that work for me are ¨Don't React¨, ¨How Important is It?¨ and ¨One Day (or hour, or minute) at a Time¨. And of course, the serenity prayer.
¨...maybe I just need more time to learn this stuff.¨
Maybe you do. Change doesn't happen overnight. I think it took at least a year for me before I truly understood being powerless, detachment with love, and boundaries. And I still have so much to learn. Hang in there and keep working your program. It gets better and better with time.

glad lee · ~*Service Worker*~

I do, absolutely. Especially when I am living in the problem and not the Solution. I cannot ever be separated from Higher power, but... I forget sometimes. (I'm not a slow learner, I'm a fast forgetter, haha) To reconnect, I have to get quiet. Or call my sponsor. Or run to a meeting, etc. etc.

I never want to overlook the simple solution. Looking over the first 3 steps (I can't, God Can, I think I'll let Him) often calms me down. I say that to myself a lot. I didn't always recognize my powerlessness in the first step, but I sure do know when life feels unmanageable! That is my cue to work those first three steps.

Sometimes it's my character defects on the rise. Your post kinda describes some of MY defects.... perfectionism, caring more for others than I do for myself/ giving myself away with my self-sacrificing, and my busy-ness which allows me to avoid looking at myself... all those things will cause me to feel overwhelmed....

and since Alcoholic/codependent thinking ruled my childhood home too, sometimes I think I just have a deep belief that life HAS to be hard, and relationships have to be hard... My sponsor often told me going sane would feel more like going insane.

When things feel stressful, I stand at the turning point, I now have choices. I can keep living in the problem or I can move toward the Solution/Higher power.

This is what my Higher power tells me about being overwhelmed, my friend. You can take what you like, leave the rest:

"Be calm, no matter what may befall you. Rest in Me. Be patient and let patience have her perfect work. Never think things overwhelming. How can you be overwhelmed when I am with you? The strain is only when you are serving another master - the world, fame, the good opinion of others, or two days burden on one day. Remember that it must not be."

-- Edited by glad lee on Friday 23rd of March 2012 08:48:29 AM

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

I go through this A LOT! I grew up with an alcoholic father and I was always vying for his attention and one of the ways I did that was through getting good grades. It seemed it's all he cares about. I homeschool our 13 year old and have ever since the beginning, he's never seen the inside of the school. Last night at dinner my AH started asking me about possibly sending our son to high school in 2 years and I about had a heart attack, LOL. All I kept thinking of was "I need to do things one day at a time right now, can't think that far ahead, thank you.", and "oh crud, what if I'm not doing a good enough job preparing him for high school? He's still so far behind in math and his tutor helps but not enough.", etc.

Anyway, I get so overwhelmed sometimes but I know I bring it on myself. I usually have to take a step back and just say: what is possible today? what can I get done just today and not feel like I'm procrastinating for tomorrow? what responsibility or task can I ask other family members to help with? And, what can actually be put off for tomorrow without feeling like I'm dropping the ball? If I can't push ANYTHING for tomorrow, then I know I've got too much on my plate and I have to reorganize my tasks and responsibilities. Not an easy thing to do when you think YOU have to do EVERYTHING and it needs to get done today, LOL. I have used Flylady before and that helps me with getting things done around the house and I use a daily scheduler to help me organize my day, appointments, schoolwork, after school activities, etc. The funny thing about this all is that I started wanting to pass some responsibility to AH and so I asked him to start picking our son up from tennis on Thursdays. Turns out those days were good drinking days for him and he drank and drove with son in the car. It was a Thursday the night he got his DUI last month. Go figure. So, sometimes just when I think I've got it all planned out a wrench gets thrown in my plans and I have to start over again. And, that's the great thing about life: plans change, goals can be re-set, and life will still move on so we might as well move with it.

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

I know I overschedule myself as a way to distract myself from feelings. It doesn't happen that deliberately -- "I think I'll overschedule!" -- but I do keep taking things on, thinking I have to do X and Y for all kinds of reasons. And it adds up to a feeling that life isn't okay as it is. It's a challenge to dial it down. And I suspect that many of us co-dependents have been "overfunctioners" as our approach to life. I try to remind myself of this as I get tempted to add things on.

orchidlover · ~*Service Worker*~

I think slowing down has been so key for me. People pleasing was a real issue for me and can still be but since I take it slower I catch myself doing it. I can't recommend enough a book People pleasing.

I also think the book Getting them Sober is a magical resource. Expectations are so so key for us. We have to work on being reasonable with ourselves most of all.

My mother was overwhelmed all the time too and took it out on me in particular. She was overwhelmed with everything.

I certainly feel overwhelmed a lot of the time. These past few months have been really hard financially. I tend to go through patches of that.

maresie.

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

GGreat topic, I definetly do and I tend to take on too much, people please and rush myself. Change of routine can set me off too. I relate to most the ESH here. Sending you love and support!

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.